So one of the recommendations of my coach was to disclose the ah ha I had about never wanting to minimize H to the point he has no voice and to continue to to give him space and not push R talks further. Listen, validate, empathize.

I did have the chance to talk to H but not sure it went well. H came here and said he was going back to our summer home which is under construction. He keeps going there to check on it or maybe something else is going on I do not know and told me he is going there again but will be back in the am.

I started to spew and was EVERYWHERE in the conversation. Here is what I remember:

W: We worked so hard to get this family to be together, without me telling you a time to be here and stay for x time...then I cry, cry. And then go on to say things like I never meant to have you lose your voice in this relationship or have a 50-50 split. Me driving in work has worked but is obviously not working in the relationship. I have to work on it. You know when DD does not kiss you and pulls away how you feel, that is how I feel when you do not want to have sex and it is more than intimacy. I thought this new house would be our project together and I still want that. We have a chance to show DD the way to communicate,love and respect. I am sorry.

H: (Sits for a long time not talking).
I cannot reply to you right now as I am really angry. I do not want anything to come out the wrong way and do not I want to cause another explosion.

W: (Sits for time) I understand and I did not say those things to have you say or expect you to say apology accepted and move on. We have done that before and it has not worked. We both have the tendency to fix things we cannot push this under the carpet. If we want to break this cycle we have to do something different

H: (nodding, I think)

W: I have the number for the DB coach for you if you want to call her next week

H: Thank you, I will think about it. We'll see.

W: I will give it to you tomorrow when we meet. And if you tell me that you do not want me to share what I am sharing about what I am learning about myself,just tell me

H: "I will see you tomorrow." Kisses me. Goes to get me klennex.

W: I see him out and give him snack for the road

H: Hugs me

W: "Are we going to get (to better)" (I am not even sure what I said)

H: "Yes"

I am having such emotions now I am not sure what I am doing.

I am to start a new job in two weeks and I am exhausted and will have a change where I will not see my daughter but an hour a day and weekends.