moving on

[Ahoy]

Just found out my aunt has been diagnosed with breast cancer. My first thought? "I hate H." Why? Because he was supposed to be here for me through thick and thin and cancer and nonsense. And it ticks me off that I continue to waste mental energy on him that I could be spending elsewhere. But that's on me. It's my job to refocus. And truly I don't want to be with him anymore.

I spent yesterday throwing out photos and such. I was cleaning out a file cabinet and came across all my brain surgery documents. It made me sad. Part of me can't help thinking: I stood by him for all those years, through school, unemployment, disasters, etc. and he ditched me shortly after my diagnosis for a younger woman. Where is the karma bus when you need it? I did install a file cabinet lock all by myself, which made me feel good.

Bracing for a long meeting with lawyer on Tuesday to map out proposal for dissolution.

In the meantime, H's boss asked me to give a lecture on my work at the college where he works. Awkward, much? I'll get a nice honorarium. I hope H doesn't show up.