I have seen you say many times how you are afraid of pushing your W away. As a former WAW, I try to tell you LBH'S that what you fear pushes her away, in reality, draws her closer.
The fact is........you can't push her away b/c she's already away, right? Like in the Band the Band of Brothers where they say, "We are already dead". It is your FEAR of pushing her farther away that is actually preventing you from detaching. You are afraid of losing her...........however, you have already lost her. How can you lose what is already gone? (Sorry, I know that stings.)
Mozza, you have to want to detach. You don't want to. You have intentially clung to her emotionally.
I may not have the same LBS experiences that some here on the board have had, but before I met my H I was in love with another young man. He broke my heart and I do know how it feels to be rejected. I am not sure if it was my pride or self respect, but I was determined I would not sit around and grieve over him. I refused to cry over what may have been or how badly I had been hurt. I made myself move forward, and I knew nothing about detaching back then.......but that was really what I was doing. I realize this is a very poor comparison to your stitch, b/c we were not M and did not have hildren. But, my point is that I believe one has to want to detach, be determined, and start doing the necessary action to get there. And, as long as you are afraid of "losing" what you have already lost.......you will never accomplish detaching from her emotionally.
That is why you have so much trouble with boundaries, b/c in your mind, you fear it will cause you to lose her. Not meeting her for lunch was a step in the right direction. That is an example of determining to take detaching steps.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
