I am curious why everything needs to became a soap opera? You were in my thread and you read that I came to realize after so much soul search that there are hidden wounds in my core that made all the problems in my M even bigger.
What kind of work are you doing with your IC? Is there any work of the real reasons you get so angry? Is there wounds from childhood that you need to address? Is there a path lined up to treat the causes of WHY YOU DO NO LOVE YOURSELF?
I have been reading your posts and it's jumping out of all you write. 25 and Wonka are screaming help to you and yet it seems you just say you understand, but it is not sinking in.
It's not your wife that does not loves you, it's not your son that have issues. It is you, and you alone needs to resolve them.
You will need to do a very hard thing here. You need to come clean with your own feelings and be humble enough to face the issues why you do not love yourself.
Believe me, I have been in this position. Because I stop loving myself, everything else fell apart around me. You won't be able to change or even see things a little different if you do not work on deep issues inside yourself.
To do this you don't need to tell anyone, you do not need to show anyone. It's for your own good. You will stop being mean, critical, judgmental, punisher, etc.
You see what you are doing? Stop yourself and reflect. The whole issue after the game can be handled with maturity, yes the game socks, it was bad, they lost. Just have normal talk to your son: teach him to look for solutions instead of roaming around problems and depression.
Why you can't do or see it all? Because you need help... you need to get rid of all your wounds, and they are somewhere inside you. You are leading your son in this desperation. You need to stop and get serious help.
My issues were very big secrets inside me. The super spanking and the sexual abuse. Yes, I can talk about this now. But you don't want to know what happen when I told my IC the first time. He tough I was dying. It was the hardest thing I did. But I did it alone, for myself and in hope that I can treat myself to be a better person for the one's I love the most.
Start loving yourself, stop blaming everything else for the gaps you have inside your heart, your soul. It all B****t, the I will be graceful, understanding, cordial, I will be a great dad, I will talk to God. You are running in circles because you can't find your center core, you can't find yourself, you probably don't even know who you are at the moment.
Please HP, you know it't time to address those issues inside yourself. You need to come clean and everything will fall into place in your life. Stop hurting the ones you want to love. Stop pushing away the ones you want closer. YOU ARE DOING THIS... we can all see it, it is time you see it too.
If you want to come clean in these boards, fine. It helped me a lot... we do not have Real names here, we don't have a face and we have support, we have people that love us and want to help us free of anything, just for what it is.
Start helping yourself or your will destroy your R with your kid. Probably the most important person for you right now.
Don't use God for your R/M. If you believe, ask God to give you direction, wisdom, help to become better. Ask God to show you the path for a better you. Be humble and ask God to grab your hand and carry you for awhile. Did you ever wonder why someone wrote: "The Footprints on the sand"? Maybe right now, you can't see your own footprints...think about.
HELP YOURSELF AND IT WILL BE EASIER TO HANDLE WHATEVER CHALLENGE LIFE WILL BRING TO YOU.
I am not saying this just from out of the blue...I have been doing the work. Yes, I do not have a lot of GAL,and my H does not see me all the time super happy and uplifting. But I have a chance to be a better person and not fake my way through it.
I read Wonka, 25, Labug, and many other treads from folks that made it before me. There is a lot of wise advises. Open your mind for what you can learn, it will be for life.
IF YOU WANT IT, YOU CAN DO IT...THE HARD PART WILL BE TO MAKE A DECISION TO WANT TO BE HARD ON YOURSELF OR CONTINUOUS BEING A VICTIM WITHOUT HOPE.
You need to make that decision... What is gonna be HP?
We all love you and hope the best for you, but we can't do it for you, it is your path to walk.
