First mistake I made. Before reading DB, I asked my W to go see my IC. She willingly did. Then we went one time together to basically figure out what path we were on. No relationship talk . it was Agreed upon that i would give her space to sort herself out and that we would return to counseling with possibly more clarity.
A few days before our return session, feeling anxious, I approached my W and told her that I was going to stand by our marriage and I was going to fight for it and the family no matter what. A few days later she tells me she wants to make M work. This was a positive response But my mind is still on A.
We talked that night and the first thing she started to talk about was how unhappy and miserable she was at work. And she wanted to get another job. my wife is the breadwinner and my reaction was supportive but I did tell her we would have to change our lifestyle and adjust our habits. she didn't bring up A. So I did, and she said she was going to end it her way. That's when I told her I wanted NC. And she lost it started to cry and I walked out.
So at that next session she said it upset her how I just couldn't listen and be supportive without throwing in negativity. Counselor said I was thinking rationally but just bad timing. Which I guess is an issue with W. Then she talked about the NC and how I try to control her.
This was a BIG mistake bringing her to C without her being committed to M. And over AP. She says she hasn't seen him in a few weeks now. I don't know if it's the truth or not.
She went from telling me she wants to work on it one day to not sure again the next. And I still would like to see NC for her to show me I can start to trust her. But she's still not ready to have me be the one who orchestrates how things go down. Bottom line, she is not ready to work on M.
No I'm not willing to live in an open marriage. BUT I HAVE BEEN for the past Three months. Even though I've been DB. I know I have my limit and it's coming up soon I feel. Could it be better to act "as if " she will keep her end of the deal and monitor results from there? my DB coach also suggested to not go NC right now but to concentrate on what is was "within" what I said to her to have made her want to work on marriage. But I don't think I'm gonna be able to find that out right now.
