Good catch, Maybell I kind of intentionally left out that whole "being together 11+ years" part. When I think about it that way, it's hard to move on (darn "sunk cost fallacy" - you want to keep putting more time in because of all the time you put in so far, even if you looked at it objectively from this point forward it wouldn't make sense to keep putting the time/effort in!) And really, a lot of that time was spent "on again/off again" and wasn't good. Senior year of high school was good. Then most of college/grad school (2004-2009ish) was not. I was looking back through old emails and found one he sent me in 2008 when we had lived together, but he broke up with me and I was considering moving out... in it he said "I guess you already know that my mind changes what it thinks like every few minutes because there is just so much going on inside it. I'm not sure if I should see a professional or not, but I feel like there is something either missing between us which I try not to consciously realize or want to admit, or I am maybe just scared of commitment, or scared of losing you or being comfortable, or whatever the issue is." Sound familiar?? Doesn't sound like he ever really figured it out but just stuffed it or tried to set it aside. Looking back through our communication it seems like we were together and then not on a monthly or weekly basis for quite a while... I don't know if he was ever really "committed" until we got engaged/married, and that hasn't been long. Things were good in fall 2009, we got engaged in spring 2010 and married in summer 2011, and I thought all that stuff was behind us.. so I thought. But again, looking back... I can't really recall a definitive moment or time where he said "Yes, I am fully back in, etc." Momentum just seemed to carry things forward, to a point where we were living together and he said we'd get married and we weren't and I pushed until he did.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
I kind of intentionally left out that whole "being together 11+ years" part. When I think about it that way, it's hard to move on (darn "sunk cost fallacy" - you want to keep putting more time in because of all the time you put in so far, even if you looked at it objectively from this point forward it wouldn't make sense to keep putting the time/effort in!) And really, a lot of that time was spent "on again/off again" and wasn't good. Senior year of high school was good. Then most of college/grad school (2004-2009ish) was not. I was looking back through old emails and found one he sent me in 2008 when we had lived together, but he broke up with me and I was considering moving out... in it he said "I guess you already know that my mind changes what it thinks like every few minutes because there is just so much going on inside it. I'm not sure if I should see a professional or not, but I feel like there is something either missing between us which I try not to consciously realize or want to admit, or I am maybe just scared of commitment, or scared of losing you or being comfortable, or whatever the issue is." Sound familiar?? Doesn't sound like he ever really figured it out but just stuffed it or tried to set it aside. Looking back through our communication it seems like we were together and then not on a monthly or weekly basis for quite a while... I don't know if he was ever really "committed" until we got engaged/married, and that hasn't been long. Things were good in fall 2009, we got engaged in spring 2010 and married in summer 2011, and I thought all that stuff was behind us.. so I thought. But again, looking back... I can't really recall a definitive moment or time where he said "Yes, I am fully back in, etc." Momentum just seemed to carry things forward, to a point where we were living together and he said we'd get married and we weren't and I pushed until he did.