KGirl - one year later con't

[KGirl]

Not much to say right now! Not a peep from H despite him saying he would have more information for me on what's next this week. I know from looking it up myself that there is some paperwork I would need to have done within 90 days. I'm not going to be in a big hurry to do it - maybe later in January or February sometime. He doesn't seem to be in a big hurry, apparently. I haven't been on here a ton this week because every time I come here that means I'll be thinking about H... I just really don't want to think about him anymore. I don't want him to occupy my brain or thoughts or feelings. I have moments (maybe moreso now than earlier or back in the summer) where I'll think about something like a trip we took, or a certain memory, and think "How can he throw that all away?? And for what?" and start crying, hard. It's still confusing to me how he says he missed out on so many things by being with me.. but then says all he does is go to work and the grocery store. It seems as though he has a lot of things to figure out, but there's really no place for me while he does that. On the other hand, we've been married for 3.5 years and separated for 1 year... that's kind of a big proportion of time to not even really be married.. so what am I clinging to?

I've also just been pretty busy this week, which has been helpful! A dear friend of mine who I went to college with here in WI just moved back to WI from NY.. and in fact lives a few blocks from where I work, so it's super exciting! I've spent the past two days hanging out with her and her fiancé. I am so appreciative that I am invited to things with them even if it's couples and me.. tonight, for example, we went to fish fry with them and another couple (I'm sorry for those of you that have not had a WI fish fry at a supper club!) and they did a great job of including me and not making me feel like a fifth wheel. I am so grateful that now is the time she was able to make it back to WI. Remember how I mentioned cute police officer before? They mentioned inviting both of us over to watch the Packer game on Sunday.. I don't know that I'm really interested in or ready to actively date but hanging out with someone in the company of friends and getting to know them in that way (as opposed to actual dates, or searching for people online) feels OK right now.