afraid I have waited too long #5

[nit84]

Wonka,

My L would communicate with my W L if I asked her to do so and has. She said it was up to me if I wanted to talk to my W about things for two reasons. 1) it saves L fees and 2) W L seems to be dragging it out for some reason. She said if I wanted to talk to my W I should do so. She was not trying to get me to do something for her in my opinion. I have been wrong before though.

If I could talk to my W in a rational manor(which I believe I can) it may get things moving again. My L knows I don't want a D but I have also told her I understand I can't stop it.


I am not sure I want to talk to my W about the house issue and if I feel I cant I certainly will have my L send letters to W L.

The email draft I shared was, like you said, filled with anxiety. My gut is telling me that for just this house issue I could talk to my W. Nothing else but the house.



I don't know if I will explain this correctly and it may not be wise to talk to my W but that is why I have you guys help me through.


Since day 1 I have always said I wanted the house and would hopefully be able to refinance it to do so. I said this without any knowledge that I could. When I found it was possible I was overjoyed. Bcause 1.) I could do it and 2.) strangely enough it was something I actually thought was getting me closer to D but it is what my W asked me to do and how it would help clarify things according to her.

So I was taken back when I presented this to my W that she was so against it.


When she served me the D papers. A discussion we had before bed was about this now being a business transaction.

I told her I hope it didn't come down to something like this and this was purely hypothetical. "Say the house is worth x and I offer 5,000 less you will get mad."

My W said "for 5 grand it would be worth it and I would take it so we could D."

I said "well what happens if the house is only worth x"(a number about 50,000.00 less) which honestly is where it is if we were to sell it to a flipper according to a realtor I had in.

I said "if the house is only worth x and we sell it after we pay the mortgage and 2nd mortgage that leaves us with 5,000.00 a piece maybe. this would be ok except our credit card bills are x which would leave us both having to take out loans to cover our portions."

My W said " well then that would put things on hold then." as I was walking away. I stopped backed up and said "wait, so if I want to get rid you. which I don't but if I did you would roadblock the D because you thought the house would be worth more?" She said " I guess we would have to. but I think the house is worth x so we won't have to worry about it."

I said "I hope"


Well when the numbers shook out they were much closer to the second example rather than the 1st.When I proposed the refinance option reality really upset my W and once I got her settlement proposal I saw why. She used my Hypothetical value as a starting point. This is her right. Heck. she could started at 1,000,000.00 if she wanted.

She kept telling me "you want the house that is fine because I can't afford it anyway." I said "you possibly could if you got a job paying you what you were making or even 10% less
"

She kept saying "I know you wont sell the house because you would have to split it with me." I said "it is half yours I don't think I would have choice."

My point of this whole thing and this is my opinion. I feel my W thinks I wont sell the house and I will cave to her settlement proposal to keep it. Her demands are outrageous and we have countered with my offer.

I don't want to sell but if I have to sell to save my credit score and my Financial future I most certainly will.

Most likely it will sell for around what I described in my 2nd example. leaving us to find ways of paying credit card bills that the proceeds didn't cover.

This would hinder my W in her goal to start over because she probably would be left to pay some portion of money and couldn't start over fresh like she wanted.


Up till now there has been no talk of selling the house. If I present it the right way my W maybe will see in the long run it is better for her if we don't sell the house and we can settle some other way.

Again my proposal for refinance will allow my W to be debt free going forward and then we can discuss the retirement which I am sure she would receive at least 50% which I have no problem with (well a little) but you have to compromise on some things and property is property nothing earthshattering there that I would dispute if it came down to it.

Talking to my W might not produce the results I want but at least it will save on some fees.

If it weren't for my dead cat. The conversation we had after the hearing went well. It wasn't warm, it was businesslike( I hated it but at least we were talking). If I keep it to that level, I believe even if I get nowhere with my thoughts, I might understand her thinking and why she is asking for what she is.

I feel this has become a money game to my W. I was foolish to think that if my W became debt free, got 50% of the retirement to which she contributed only 20%, and we split the personal property in a way that acceptable to both of us that we would just call it a M. I don't want it to end but if is had to at least it would be fair.

I have never been through a D so it is foreign to me but for my W and I, we have no kids, we aren't wealthy, why is this going the way it is?

I wish I had an understanding. maybe I am thick-skulled or just plain dumb..


I don't want a D but I have a vision of what it will be like when it is final.

Honestly, at this point if I didn't have to protect myself I would give in to my W. Not because I am weak but because I am tired of all the posturing, the sense of entitlements, acting like a victims etc... this goes for both sides Mine and my W.


I pray everyday for a miracle and I pray everyday for peace just wonder which one will come first.

Thanks for your patience with me.