Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
You carried me tonight. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I don't know how much time I can take to recount what happened. It was a good meeting.
I don't know how much of this to recount so I'm probably going to get things wrong. My whole tale will probably be tomorrow. If I'm a little chaotic please bear with me.
Yes, he did cheat before. He had two one night stands in the 18 months leading up to his meeting OW. I had to insist on the truth to get to that but he admitted it.
He said there is nothing I could have done to have changed his trajectory.
He said a lot of kind things. Even loving-ish things. He expressed some remorse, for a minute. I believe he means it.
He admitted some hard things. Some of them I insisted on. We both cried. He cried more than I expected.
He has seen a lawyer. He said "It's time for us to move this process forward. Limbo doesn't serve anyone." I said, "Please say the words. Be honest with me." He mumbled out, "I want a divorce." I could barely hear him. He doesn't want to say it again.
He has gone on dates. He is lonely. He made a guy friend. He said "I'm kind of proud of that." I am too. He's not made a guy friend on his own in ten years.
I don't think either of us really want this. But he doesn't see a path back and if he doesn't I don't. (Honestly, for myself, there is no path back at the moment either. I said "I think there IS one... but I can't find it.") So it will go forward, the dumbest divorce in the history of the world, splitting up two people who care about one another, respect one another, *get* one another.
I realize he has a lot of work to do. I still care about him. I doubt anyone will shoot me for that. I can't imagine ever having sex with him again at this point. I remember what it was like the last few times. I won't go there ever again.
I said that I felt like he cared about my happiness but never wanted to be a part of it. He said that that wasn't true, but he could see how I thought that.
We talked about the kids. We talked about D11. He said that the things he dislikes most about her are the things that remind him most of him. I told him what I've learned about parenting her, and what that has told me about him.
He asked me to help him with the kids. I told him no, that was his to fix. I said that 2-3 times.
We talked about getting S8 therapy. That will happen.
We talked about selling the house. He has a time frame in mind that matches mine. He said he won't fight me on anything.
My friends, I have a LOT to process. We met for two hours. I will be able to say more later.
I believe this will happen. I believe we will split up. I don't know what the future holds.
I think I did very well all things considered. I asked a lot of questions. I insisted that he speak for himself, and I shut up until he did. If we could have had these kinds of conversations before he started cheating on me, we would never have separated. That makes me a little frustrated.
I can't tell you the number of times I had to stop myself and ask, "What would Labug or Betsey say to do in this moment?"
I'm looking forward to hearing what you all have to say. I feel sad. I feel like I am seeing what could have been. I feel like this will be the dumbest divorce in the history of marriage.
Thank you for all your support.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Beautiful, maybell, you did it. You went and had grace and strength and insisted on what you needed and said no where you needed to. It's not the ultimate outcome you desired initially but that outcome is impossible given him. You faced it head on. You looked into the lion's mouth and survived. You haven't just survived but soared. Your kids see that. Your H sees that. We see that. Do you see it?
Breathe. Let it permeate. It's not all for naught. Know that.
Bravo! I love it. I'm glad you went and that it went so well. This is the kind of discussion many of us would like to have one day with our WAS, even if it's a precursor to D. It sounds open hearted, sincere, important. I hope your memory of this meeting will capture this.
It also seems like you were just at the right place, in the right mood to have this discussion. You sounded assertive and mostly certain about where you stood and for what. You were ready.
Well done, Maybell. As always, you are an inspiration.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
