barely holding on - 6

[u-turn]

Thank you T-mom, I still feel strong about this - though sometimes I have to actually remind myself that I am through and proceeding with this S. I see changes and want to believe them, but know that just two weeks ago she violated my boundaries in a major way again.

Right now she seems like she is trying to get closer to me. She is trying to make conversation, she is sleeping in our bed, and she even touched my face with her hand in bed this morning (this doesn't seem like much, but it hasn't done that in a very long time).

All positive signs that I wish I can loose the skepticism about. I am on guard.

I am friendly and giving her 80% of this back (maybe 70%).

I think that she would like to just move on from this, but I know that I need to be prepared. She will likely not bring up anything about our conversations, so I will eventually want to know what's happening. I do not know how to do this without just bringing it all back up again. So I need to keep proceeding.

I can move forward WITH her, but I want her to know that I will not have my heart broken again.

When I write that it seems like I'm saying ok, one more chance, but this is really it this time. I cannot keep doing that.