Hey HP, first of all there are not much better hands than 25 years to be in so I encourage you to listen. Secondly, I want to emphasize to you one thing that occurs with most men on these boards. we make the situation our center!
What I mean by this is that instead of living our lives and having the problem in our marriage be a part of that life we instead view it as we have a problem in our marriage and therefore must change our life. It is a skewed and backwards approach to the situation. Remember you were an I before a we and you must focus on what it was about you as an "I" that drew your partner in.
Getting completely wrapped up in the "we" and why it is broken is very daunting and may simply never be understood. What I can tell you is that I am still friends with a ton of folks who went through this in the late 2000's and the theme among us is that we were so wrapped up in the we that we lost the I. A few have saved their marriages and several have not, sadly that is the reality. What we all have done however is find ourselves again and become a strong "I".
Your son will be a direct reflection of you, your focus on the R instead of yourself and him feed directly into his behaviors and depression. Stop managing his schedule and take control of it. Your kid should never worry about where they are staying or who will get them to an event. they are kids and should be taken care of and the anger is coming from a sense of helplessness and a loss of security in you and your wife.
Take charge HP, stop being a person in the middle of the circus and start being a guy who go's to see the show only when he chooses to. Your choices are directly affecting your son. Your IC will tell you that if they are worth a [censored] and you and your wife are being honest with them. 12 Years old is not an age where your child should be worrying about anything except for what he is eating for lunch and what girl he is crushing on.... That is the extent of what they should be dealing with. This needs to be your focus not your wife. In the end you may become a single parent, but you will never stop being a dad. Put your priorities in order now and make that child your concern, not your wife.
