Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #5

[HPoirot]

25, Happy, and Calibri. Thank you all again for sticking with me. I took the time today to learn the stages of grief. I see I am stuck on anger and my post there shows that and I am aware of it. I'm determined to get it in check.

I'm doing some work on myself in this area. Some letting go of anger exercises. Also ordered a book... "Solo Partner" that I heard about here. I'll also work through that book.

I did some practice on that today...

Picking up S12, he and I were not sure about the weekend schedule. S12 also thought W had a business trip. He called his mom while I checked the schedule online. While he was on the phone I saw I had him this weekend and told him.

W then immediately calls me. I take deep breath and answer. W asks why S12 asked about a business trip. I cordially told her what happened. She asked how he was and I said he's good. She said see you at the game and I said OK see you there. She said thank you for answering... I said OK... and hung up.

I almost immediately she texts I should know the schedule and it's not fair for Solomon to have to check. Instead of ignoring her text or getting into a discussion about it... I simply and promptly replied.... "Yes W I agree." She replied... "Thank you HP. I really appreciate that."

25 I have read your post many times. I am determined to overcome my anger, judgement, and revenge character flaws.

So tonight and every interaction to come I will be courteous to my W without expectations b/c it's the adult and right thing to do and b/c it helps my son.

So, to keep the road home, paved & smooth...

I show up only as a calm, confident, upbeat person.
I am polite like a co-worker or a customer to W.
I show W that S12's happiness in this sitch is my priority.
I consider things from W perspective using empathy.
I do all that above with no conditions and expectations on W no matter what.

This is me showing accepting the sitch and showing humility. Showing that I'm aware that I contributed to the pain she felt in our M and I'm soul searching and improving.

It's as simple as that.

I'm not dense... just hurt and vengeful and I'm sabotaging my efforts by not being thoughtful and present. My W expects me to act just as I'm acting and I can't afford to keep this up.

I have 3 hours to pull myself together so I can present the best me possible for my son tonight.

If I could just find a way to simply see W as a good person making painful choices and show mercy and understanding and put my pain aside not matter what she does or says.

How can I just do this?