Jim0987 #9 - Blackholes, cats and overanalysis

[jim0987]

So wife and I had a conversation about the move and seperation this evening. I'm not sure how well it went in a lot of ways

the gist of the conversation was that she wants to resolve everything. Lots of stuff said but key comments points she made

- She feels like i'm deliberately stalling and holding things up
- She feels like I have all of the control and am 'milking it' to keep her here
- She hates being here as it doesnt feel like its her house
- the last 4 months have been the most miserable of her life
- She cant talk to me about normal stuff, she doesnt have the energy for it as she is 'worn too thin'
- she feels she is stronger than she ever gave herself credit for
- she needs to move out so she can move on from me
- D3 is excited by the move and so i need to hurry up 'For D3's sake'
- she keeps wanting to move back to her home county but is 'doing her bit' by staying local
- she is getting a lot of pressure about the move from the rest of the chain
- She feels like i called her a 'money grabbing whore' because i said i need to financial protect myself
- She objected for me 'colouring' her when i said i understand how you feel about XYZ
- She repeatedly implied that i wouldnt hold up my responsibilities towards the kids after she moves. She even said she had looked up the stats for when fathers walk away

key bits from me
- I was calm and quite softly spoken throughout and dont think i rose to anything
- I did say i wasnt walking away
- I told her a couple of times 'you know how i feel about you' and 'I need you to move so i can start to get over you'
- when she bought up some past stuff i said 'I'm sorry that happened and that i didnt realise what i needed to change, I cant change the past but i can treat you in the right way in the future'
- she baited me on a couple of things or told me things i'm not happy about which because i couldnt respond positively i said something different
- When she pushed me i repeatedly said i will need to speak to my solicitor on monday
- I was ok at validating and a few times for different things said 'sorry if thats how what i said made you feel, my intent was .......'
- i dont think there was any bitterness in my voice at all
- I corrected a couple of things but didnt get drawn into arguments (for example about the kids) but i did say 'i'm disappointed that you think I might not look after the kids'

So no idea whether that was good, bad, indifferent or what BUT i think the big thing is that for the most part i didnt get into any of the whys of the relationship breakdown, or say anything accusatory

it may have been a bit wet noodle but ultimately i stuck to my i will speak to my solicitor on monday stance.