Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #5

[25yearsmlc]

Hello MCS, Faith and Calibri.

Thanks MCS. I'm sorry your W is so negative about speaking with you. That must really hurt. Does it help you detach or make it harder? My W would love a friendly talk everyday I'm sure. It would be painful for me though and it is hard for me to understand how she can even ask me to talk. I guess, from her side, it's hard for her to understand why I would want her and our M back.


I doubt she has trouble understanding that. I think she has trouble understanding how you could have treated her the way you did inside the marriage and now are so upset that it's over.

I'm Not blaming you for the marriage problems (or at least not all of them).

I'm reminding you that you are not accurate in your mind reading. For her to have left the marriage and her son, means something important to HER, was missing. As long as you pretend it's only about a character flaw in HER< you'll get nowhere.

One other thing...your w has never brought OM to a basketball game. So it stuns me that you still have trouble being able to be in a large gymnasium to watch your son and not want his mom to also be there. I think this is literally the least you can do for HIM.

And To reiterate, It is not about her or you. It's only about HIM.



Calibri thank you for checking up on me. Yes faith can be a hard thing when you feel overwhelmed. I know exactly what I have to do with DB... confident, content, busy guy. I don't have to do it for long around W. Then I don't. If I had real faith... then I wouldn't be at all angry. I would just be naturally friendly with W.


Not sure what that means. But as long as you operate in anger or fear, you are Not operating in faith.

Hello Karma. Yes I don't want at all to be the bitter angry husband.


What will it take on your end, to avoid that? Remember, she's not the determining factor in how YOU behave or who you become. Only you are.

---

OK putting aside anger today. I'm going to see my son play basketball. That is my focus. Just act as if I'm having a good day and great life around W today. I will just observe any attempt my W makes to be friendly. I will have good PMA.

Onward.

2 TED Talks you could watch on Youtube may help with this. One is by Shawn Achor and the other is by Amy Cuddy. They both discuss the power of positive psychology and have empirical data to support it.

And they explain HOW to make yourself have a PMA...I highly recommend both and they are about 20 minutes long. Seriously HP, you'll get a lot out of them.