So sorry you both have these kind of situation, it's awful to endure so much pain during the time of your lives you should be enjoying it.
The truth is that we should to trace our paths that fits well for ourselves. People like the ones you describe in your life won't change, at least I do not think they can.
Sometimes I ask myself why do some people do this to the ones they are suppose to love the most. What gain is in there if they themselves life in absolute hell.
You both are better off alone, even if the heart wants something different, it is just too much to live in fear and depression.
I hope you GG and you Vanilla will find peace at some point, that you will enjoy life as it should be. Will let the past be just that, past, history.
It's quite hard to let go in a perception of having a life that we have for being married to someone, but we can let go. We all can free ourselves if there is any kind of abuse.
GG, you say you need to look for your worthy. Don't punch yourself in a head any longer. The moment you accept that your H is a maniac and there is nothing you can do to change, then you will feel free.
Keep the faith and the hard work, life will get better.
