Retreat

[LITB]

I'd also like to thank LITB for the kind words. But you should also pay attention to him--he's reconciling and a guy. He can approach this from a guy's perspective. I'm sure he could be specific about what wouldn't work for him with his W as well. He might be too much of a good cop to do that, though.

I got a chuckle out of this. Yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with any of the behavior that Mary described. It was a recipe for disaster.

My W was selfish in her ways too. I didn't see it as clearly before the BD, compared to when I reflected on our M/R. It certainly made me resent her, and I did consider leaving a couple of year prior to BD. That being said, she did me(us) a huge favor by putting us through our mess. It was a blessing in disguise. We both needed it.

Her changes took root way after mine. I found this board early in my sitch, and it helped me immensely.

For her, it wasn't until she hit rock bottom, early last year that she became motivated to change. The tables had turned, and I was essentially the WAS. I needed to see that her changes were genuine. So far, so good. (a condensed version)

Interesting how life humbles us, and it is those times that motivate us to change.

Mary, you are at that point now. You have a great opportunity in front of you and you are getting exceptional support. Live without regrets from this point. At the end of the day, you can become the person you want to be, in spite of the outcome of your sitch. (For the record, that will give you the best chance to save your marriage.)