Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

Been doing some self reflection about the last couple of blow ups we have had during our attempted reconciliation.

It seems the common denominator is stress. When each of our stress levels increase we start doing things that do not work towards reconciliation.

She seems to be revisiting all of her past hurts and feels wounded still and see our future as hopeless or unchanging. To be honest, I hate her score card.

I get clingy and needy and want to feel loved and cared about, sometimes physically but mostly emotionally. To be honest, she probably views me as another obligation in her life, not a self sufficient person in her life.

These two things come together and we both are hurting our relationship. I think I am making her feel pressured and reminding her of the progress we have not made in our connection. Her reaction to my pressure then reinforces my need for connection and I get clingier.

Kind of a chicken and egg situation, but the result is we are pulling in different directions and doing damage. (Stop pulling and drop the rope you idiot)

My actions that I can control are, I need to feel more secure with myself and not look to W all the time for validation. I need not put pressure on her with reconciliation activities or ideas, especially during times of stress. I need to be more open with my emotions and feelings and bring them up more often. I need to STFU more and listen better, I have slipped up in this are a little bit.

I need to fake it until I make it with acting like the strong, emotionally open, non-needy husband that I want to be until it comes more naturally. I have come a long way in a year, but as always there is still more work to do.