Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

You're missing the intimacy, she may not be at all.

I call it intimacy, she calls it an emotional connection. I think she misses it, or knows it is missing. She says she does not feel that spark anymore, unless we are vacationing. She feels our vacation feelings are a fantasy and not possible in our everyday lives. I disagree, but see what she sees. We need to keep working on building the connection. It scares me to think that she may not want the intimate connection anymore.

I think a good MC would be able to help us, but I am nervous to bring it up. When it was mentioned before she was insulted that since I wanted it we could go because when she mentioned it I felt we didn't need it. She also said she does not have the time to go to MC, which is kind of true, but she could make the time.

Decide what your priorities are, attend to them and see what happens.

Be the man you're meant to be, the father you need to be, a great partner to your W but don't get lost in it.

My priorities are my family and repairing this marriage. Within that is rebuilding that emotional connection. I do think that is the man I am meant to be and who I want to be.

I don't understand the "don't get lost in it" comment. Do you mean don't obsess and constantly think about repairing the marriage and the emotional connection; don't keep trying to find a "fix" or "idea" that will kick start the connection?

I have been guilty of this and have tried to back off. It still stings that when doing some emotional sharing the conversation devolved.

You're going to sell the other house without being sure where this is going?

Yes, this is a house that I would sell if things don't work out anyways. The house needs more work and money than I can deal with right now.


I get confused by the contradictory feelings she expresses to me. For example we sat by the Christmas tree staring at it and she expressed feeling happy and being excited for the Holidays. Now she said during the Holidays she was just thinking "I just have got to make it through this." I don't understand the two differences in emotion, just two weeks apart.

It seems the negatives hit harder on our R than the positives. She has told me at different times during our reconciliation that she feels we can make it through anything facing us and how much we have grown and changed for the better.

Now she again feels that she may be done. I just don't get it and I know I contribute to this in some way, but I do not understand it yet.