Jim0987 #9 - Blackholes, cats and overanalysis

[jim0987]

I'm just annoyed at myself. I've had plenty of opportunities to look and done a good job of not looking, then to backslide like this is very frustrating

But to be honest the bigger issue is that I was caught doing it because it left evidence. Trust is a big issue for my W, She doesnt trust me at all and any progress I'd made has been completely undone - by a stupid lack of impulse control I may as well barricaded the door closed.

I might be able to forgive me but my W won't. I'm really kicking myself about this.

Right now what I want is to not want to save my marriage anymore - I'm tired of being made miserable by this and having these impulses that in the past never would have crossed my mind

But the reality is that it is still what I want and this 'slip' has been incredibly detrimental to that goal. I might have got her to believe I can change but i cant see how I undo this breach of trust, or more importantly regain her trust enough.

My W hasnt said anything but her mood immediately worsened afterward and she has basically glared at me since and asked 15-20 times for me to chase my solicitors on the move (I've agreed everytime). She wont confront me because i'd just deny it.

Oh yes and she is still implying I've hidden her trousers.