Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

Karma, thanks for the ideas. We do have a house cleaner that deep cleans every two or three weeks. I have been taking care of the majority of the rest of the stuff. We do schedule date nights, when we have the time, but it is also hard to find the time. I think I had two or three dates planned that did not work out before we got to go on one. Really frustrating.

I have read the book you mention, and many others, not just DB. I try to take lessons from them all and apply them to the DB ideas.

The intimacy is what we are missing and I don't know what I can do to foster its growth. I miss more than just sex with her, it is the emotional intimacy that is missing.

The other night when I tried to bare my internal feelings to her it turned into her feeling resentful. I think she wants an explanation about why she wasn't worth it before when she was deeply in love. I don't think there is an easy answer. I thought I was doing my part in the relationship and she never called me on my crap. I was ignorant to what she wanted and that really hurts her.

I take the those times before almost like I was an alcoholic. I did not know what damage my actions were doing, but now that I have had my moment of clarity and sobered up I am doing things in a better way and continue to work on being sober. I feel that if I were an alcoholic and got sober I may be forgiven easier for the hurt she feels from our past relationship.

I had dinner last night with a friend and when I got home everyone was asleep. The W decided to sleep in our spare bedroom and did not want to sleep in the same bed as me. She said she felt like she was done. I wanted to talk and she was upset and said "Oh, NOW you want to talk?" This was a direct comment about me not bringing up our argument the night before. She is really upset and I want to talk to her but she will be out of town until late tomorrow night. I guess we will talk then, I hope.