Jim0987 #9 - Blackholes, cats and overanalysis

[edz]

tv points are easy, go with conduit that matches the profile on the skirting boards. If its Sky/Satellite get a cable extension kit from maplin dont join coax - satellite cables.

From the description sounds like my living room maybe a little bigger so tv on the wall next to the patio windows then sofa on the wall opposite the patio doors curving into the room.

Rug between the tv and the sofa return.

Domestic goddess meets Tim Taylor here

[jim0987]

OK so I am complete imbecile. No if buts or maybes - there us just something wrong with me.

I know its a terrible plan on every level but when I got home wife's phone was there and without thinking I picked it up and snooped. The moment I punched in the code a new facebook message appeared and time stamped so my W will also know that I snooped. ANY good work or progress (limited I know) has been undone.

It feels like the final nail in the coffin of her ever trusting me again and without trust there can be no R. But she's right because apparently I can't be trusted to respect her privacy.

I was hoping to post something good about my PMA and the fact I was out with a meetup group this evening. Turns out for all of my situation that lack of self control and my apparent NEED to know what my STBXW is doing is my biggest problem.

Really mind bogglingly stupid.

Sorry, I feel like I've let pretty much everyone down.

[Ggrass]

Hey it's a cheeseless tunnel, you saw it but auto pilot let you down. Next time, just don't, say this is the last time.

I once walked past h phone and wanted to check it after bd, I could have he would not have known, I didn't.

Afterwards I complained I was stupid not doing it as it would have proved the ow r. Given me Intel. I would, haveknown and doing the right thing is important to me and was then too. Snooping is stooping.

I used to be told I had Invaded h privacy when I used the drop down history to find sites from previously used addresses and found porn sites. Innocent find.

Yet it was ok for h to exhibit stalking behaviours, like sign up for fb to check up on mine. Which was a purely business page. His was personal I would have let him see 100% of mine as it was 100% public. He used to stalk forums where I chatted too. I think he used to check my phone, when s17 started using the net on my mobile and used to steal the phone I locked it with a pass code.

H then made a big deal about trying a million goes and locking the phone, he accused me of hiding text and affairs. He found phone numbers in my car for iPod repairer also accusing me of affair. H accusations was all made up in his head, don't let your head make stuff up.

[edz]

Jim

What gg said. You havent let anyone down here, move forward I could right now have full access to ws phone, email location systems remotely, it would take 30 seconds I won't. Not because I'm some great man but because i don't want to know. There will be nothing to see and I'll feel cr@ppy for intruding or there will be something I don't want to know AND I'll feel cr@ppy for intruding.

I do completely understand the desire to do so though. Especially given your sitch.

You auto piloted, move on, forgive yourself and just move on with your best db actions.



Edz

[Ggrass]

Dons a trench coat and hands edz a wad of cash, there ya go snoop for me!

Nah, it is so not worth it, what would we learn they are in a r?
Big whoopy
They are being silly with af by text big whoopy
They might have multiple afs blg whoopy

[edz]

Bingo.

I've said gain vs loss a lot today. It really is that, what do you gain knowledge wise vs what you loose by knowing how you got it and what that does to PMA and your opinion of you.

Don't beat yourself up (we know you!) What was this meet up group then?

Edz

[jim0987]

I really had nothing to gain and plenty to lose, I knew that yet still did it.

The problem is I'm exhibiting stalking behaviours as GG describes it and I really don't like it, but I can't seem to get it under control. I'm just hyper vigilant to everything she says or does.

I need to make it stop.

[Mozza]

I also have the wrong reflexes sometimes. I can't snoop (she's gone!) but in a minute of weakness I'll go see her Facebook or Instagram or that of OM, while it brings me only pain. What we're doing is exhausting for the brain: it's constant control. It's hard because it's unnatural. We don't have unlimited reserves of control. Once we really detach, it will become natural. Until then, we will slip. Focus on getting in the right place emotionally.

[gan]

Jim, you totally didn't let anyone here down so please don't think like that. We're on your side, we've done it, we get it. Pick yourself up and keep going.

I see parallels here with the quote I posted the other day. You saw the cheeseless tunnel on approach but you couldn't help but fall in. Keep working with Headspace - I think you'll find it becomes easier to catch yourself.

No autopilot in Mk 8, ok?

[edz]

yup fit cruise control instead