Maybell XXVII

[Karma12]

Good luck Maybell. Don't let him put any dents in your armour. Stay strong

[gan]

Thinking of you, Maybell. You sound so strong going in to this. Such an inspiring read!

[Ggrass]

Taps fingers, I know it is night here, but I'm not know to be patient.

Hope it went well mayb.

[Maybell]

Happens tonight. I will probably be late posting about it since I have someplace to be shortly after, but I'll try not to keep you all in too much suspense.

I appreciate the good vibes. I went to look at his FB to see if there were any clues there and his relationship status was hidden (not changed, you just have to click a button to find it).

So I'm not wrong in how he's thinking.

I was praying about it this morning and it occurred to me that in every way in which he has messed up in the past -- relatively small things as a kid that parents would typically make a big deal over, so as to impress on a kid the importance of honesty and integrity -- his parents let him skate, and laughed about how devious he was, even telling the stories about him that way after we were married. When he told them he wanted to leave me, and what my worries were (money, house, kids), they told him not to worry about all that, that kids are resilient and they'd help financially to make sure nobody did without. (That made me mad -- they basically volunteered the kids and themselves to take the consequences of his departure.)

He's never had consequences. Even I was willing to forgive him after I found out about OW, if he would just do the work to make things right. But that's never been asked of him, so of course he has no means to do that, and has never been taught that integrity matters to people.

I will be OK. Betsey was right. It's not the searing pain of the initial betrayals. It's like bumping a bruise. And dreading the next several months.

[labug]

Just remember to leave your victim at home and if she hitches a ride in your purse, shush her.

Be open and listen, you may be surprised. I would suggest not saying much at all, just let him talk and when he's done, tell him you have lots to think about. Are you eating a meal-that's so awkward-just order an appetizer. Don't drink.

Whatever he says is all about him and his stuff. I agree on sticking to facts and not dredging up the past. If he goes there, do stop him.

Remember to breathe. Pranayama.

Namaste

[Faith2b]

Maybell,

Im praying for you!! Things will be great!! Enjoy your time

[Card29]

So true about bringing up the past, labug. That always goes only one way: bad, fast.

[Dawn70]

Prayers and good, positive thoughts for you! Best of luck. You sound so strong and ready to face this head on.

[Underdog]

Maybell,

I'll be thinking of you tonight! Good luck!

While it's not the searing pain, the dread and heavy heart is also uncomfortable as hell. I had to bring myself back to the It Is Time e-mail and I'll share what went through my head back then. Just want to let you know in case you sit there and wonder, okay?

Mantra: To him, it's all about him. He may not want to "take you out", but his needs will probably come first and yours will not matter. Even though you are the mother of his children and you have primary responsibility for them.

When my XH sent me that e-mail, not once did he ask me how I felt or ask me for my opinions or assure me that his path was of his own doing and nothing I could have ever stopped. I was hurt by that. It bristled that he didn't seem to care.at.all. I honestly don't know if that's the truth or mind reading, but his actions were pretty consistent with what he didn't say. So, I have to say that I truly think he didn't give a crap.

I say these things because he's one person. Just one. And you have more than one person (other than yourself) who DOES care about you and what you feel and think. Add us here who don't know you IRL and you have a good passel. Measure yourself by our yardstick and not his. Ok? He's broken and unhealed, and even worse? Unenlightened or even working toward enlightenment. Self improvement isn't part of his growth curriculum. So measure your lovability against those who are capable of giving you this same experience. You're in graduate school, and he's still trying to figure out if he's got the aptitude for 9th grade history.

So if you don't like or agree with anything he utters, swallow your pride and remember that a graduate student in rocket science has no need to justify herself to a 9th grade boy. Visualize that!

See if you can look at him as a psych experiment. Look at his mannerisms, facial expressions and non-verbal communications. Dissect them. Take the Stubborn Dyke approach and say to yourself, "Isn't this interesting?" See if you can glean out what will be useful for you to put to work in the business dissolution. I found when I did that, it encouraged me to see things as is and not with my hurt heart and ego.

Got it? You can do this.

Hugs-Betsey

[Lorelai]

Good luck tonight, Maybell! Pretty sure I'm one of the newbies whose anger has made you cringe! LOL! But I'm getting better, in part because of reading inspiring posts like yours!