Angry WAH blames me for everything.......(2)

[Mozza]

I have a general question that's been rumbling around in my head. H has a habit of self deprecating comments, especially when resolving conflict. Ex: I'm sorry I didn't do x, I'm a bad person/husband, etc.

Remember how I told you I'm passive aggressive like your H? Well, I suspect it's part of the same package. I come from a family who can't take a compliment. Nice shirt? "Oh, I got it on sale." Nice throw? "Oh I don't even know how I did it." Thank you? "Oh, it was really nothing." I spent the Holidays with my parents and boy does it run strong in the family.

I'm aware of that flaw and, as part of my self-treatment, I decided to take compliments with a simple "Thank you". In the same vein, I try to avoid self-deprecation. Friends have observed it in me and recommended that I stop. So now it's hard, but when someone says something nice, I don't nuance it. I just smile and say thank you. But that's all work for your H and doesn't answer your question. I mention this so that you understand that it might be deep seated in his personality. I know it's annoying, but don't resent him too much for it. He's more a victim of it than you.

I've no clinical recommendation. But how would I like people to react to my self-deprecation? When they say the positive ("Yes, you're great!") I might deny it, but I like it. In fact, my "I"m not great" might be meant to elicit the "Yes you are!" response, because I need to hear it. Remember: passive aggressive people can't simply ask for what they want, so they use other means. Another idea is to ask questions. "What makes you say that?"

By the way, I don't feel like I use self-deprecation as an excuse, as in "its' not my fault, I'm bad". Maybe I do, but my IC hasn't surface it yet! By the way, I want to discuss this passive aggressive behavior next time with my IC (and not my W and M!), so I might have more insights.