I am grateful that my thread is being read. Thanks all for checking in with me.

My date with the DB Coach was awesome. I know, I know--not what you might expect, but I have to say, I wish I would have called sooner!

Some might think that you will hear support for 'your side of the story' and that your H or W or partner 'has issues'...maybe even think that once the coach or IC hears your side of the story that, finally someone will understand/side with you.

Well, there was no siding with me.

Overall, she says this is a wake-up call for me.. Yep, pull up the big girl panties and look at your self, Happy.

it was much more about how my contributions of being controlling and not giving H a say has led to him to feeling like he has lost his voice and that I would not hear him anyway if he was to really talk to me or what he says would not matter because he would be overwritten. That he is hurt, resentful and not feeling like a man.

We also lightly touched on my need to control in order to feel safe, secure which I had never thought about.


We went thru an exercise where I was to be my H and answer 4 questions, as if I was him answering
1) Mr, Happy, how would you describe your W
2) Mr Happy what frustrates you?
3) Mr Happy, how does your W see you & why did you marry her, why did she marry you?
4) Mr Happy, what is the most painful thing about your relationship. What hurts the most?

OMG, when she recited back to me my answers I can see why my H is not Mr. Happy, why he is not happy. She then asked me how I felt about her summary of the 4 answers and how I felt.

I feel empathy for H.

My homework is to do the same exercise again and I will record here. And to H to continue to give him space and not push R talks further. Listen, validate, empathize.

The goal is to break this cycle by together since we have the responsibility to teach our D about love, relationships, problem solving and communication. Basically, grow up and be adults.

H is willing to talk to DB Coach and I will ask him this weekend if he is still willing to talk to her.

After H talks to her, we will probably do a one more call with her, me and H all together.