You are just business partners. You need to detach from all this nuance. Asking for him to use specific language is controlling. If he legitimately can't cover his days because of a work obligation, why shouldn't he assume that his daughter can live with her mother?
Do you have a family calendar? H and I share a Google calendar. I put work events on the family one and so does he. That way we can see if there are gaps.
H is traveling almost this whole month. (That's a whole other story). He announced it, told me he was giving me back to back weekends and then taking back to back weekends, and said nothing about missing the weekdays he ought to be spending with the kids. I could sulk over the way that impacted me -- and believe it, it has. But really, do I want to spend emotional energy that way?
I have not DB'd the way so many around here do. I can just barely muster a small smile for him if I spend less than ten minutes around him. I feel a physical revulsion at the idea of sharing anything personal at all with him. But I can be friendly and even validating about the co-parenting. Because I know how much smoother it makes my kids' lives. My cousins had to have separate reception rooms for their mom and dad at their weddings because their relationship was so tense. That is the height of selfishness to me. Can you disengage your relationship with your H from the relationship with your daughter's father to avoid that kind of tug of war with him? He is who he is. Just accept that guy.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
