Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #5

[HPoirot]

Thank you Wonka, 25, and everyone for the hard words. Today I thought I was staying out of the way of S12 saying what he's been wanting to say to W. I see what your saying about handling it better and then my reaction. My son is my priority but yes in my anger and focus on my hurt I did make serious mistakes today. I did leave a message for the IC specifically saying what my son said. I will follow-up in the morning.

I did write what happened to calm myself and examine what I did. I did see I was too happy to see S12 say what he wanted to say to W.

I was OK with her new proposed more balanced schedule. I didn't think she would propose it if S12 wasn't having a better time there.

About the IC... I was recommending the IC for S12 to see, not for W to see. It surprised me that W made an appointment to see her. I didn't recognize it was a mistake to tell W I was seeing an IC.

About S12's telling me his problem with the schedule and his basketball game... I did take your advice and decide to go to his game and told him so. Please know that I do listen very closely to you 25 and Wonka. I could not have made it this far without you. I have moments of doubt like my post saying I wouldn't go. I've never missed one of his games and I won't start now.

And on the her schedules yes I feel frustrated and at the same time vindicated when they fail. I know that is wrong. I do hate that S12 is subjected to her planning. At the same time... he wants to be with his mom. I quoted "stability" yes in anger regarding how she's going about all this. I did not like the businesslike way she described what was happening to our son in her VM.

And yes I was too happy S12 showed his mom his anger and I did leak snark and satisfaction all over that last post b/c I was focused on my W getting taught a hard painful lesson instead of where it should always be... on my son crying for help.

...

After all this, W called S12 downstairs to get his bags. She walked him back all the way to the condo door and then left.

When he came in, he was wearing a new pair of expensive basketball sneakers his mom bought him.

He said they talked he felt better about his mom.

We sat and ate dinner together at the table.

Then I called W. Asked her what she thought about S12. She talked for a long time. I did not say anything against anything she said and there was plenty I didn't like. I just let her talk. Short validations to show I was listening. She said she knows she's the bad parent and didn't try to convince S12 otherwise. That he's right to feel everything he feels. That she thinks therapy will help him.

She talked a lot about us being more civil. Her example was when she came to the condo door. S12 wanted her to come inside and have dinner. She told him she couldn't b/c she had to go back to the school for a function instead of "your dad F*cking hates me right now." She told him one day she and me would be friends again. I didn't say anything to that.

Earlier, S12 told me she said we would all be together again as a family. That's how he heard it.

She also said... S12 told her he didn't like how she was acting overly happy... her supermom thing. He said she should be acting how things really are. She thought she was doing him a favor. Instead, he said that's why he preferred being around me. I was listening to him and how he felt and wasn't acting like nothing is wrong. She said she would do better to listen to him instead of trying to fix him.

I didn't say hardly anything while she talked the whole time. Some very long pauses. Then she asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about or say. After a long pause I said no, I'm going to get off the phone. She said how much she appreciated talking with me and she hopes we can do it again. She wants to talk and it meant a lot to her that we got to talk. She thanked me for talking to her. I hung up.

S12 just got out of the shower. I'm going to hang with him and put him to bed.

I'm so sorry we're all going through this. I'm angry that my W didn't even think of saying lets get together and work something out. That I couldn't ask her to come home with us and let's all heal together. That our solutions to this horrible problem could be so different. Like so many other people here... why make this so hard. Is what you're trying to do making you happy now?

One thing she said is... she knows what S12 is going through from the divorces her mom went through. She knows how painful this is. But not enough to come heal your family? She called me a great father. Not enough. Not enough to come here right now and be with her son?

I don't understand.