Db'd after W D me in 04 remarried W in 07 DB again

[25yearsmlc]

W was raped by older brother repeatedly from age 11 to 15, father beat up mother on several occasions. W had PA and D me in 05.

This^^ "Summary" is an odd one for me, without context. You just blurted out some major things.

Are you somehow or directly connecting her childhood abuse with her affairs, or what?

Are you nowhere to be found in this? I mean, is it ALL About HER Problems from the past?


I DB from BD in 04 and after the D. OM was out of the picture abt 3 mo after D. W lost the house to foreclosure abt 8 mo after D. W went to rehab for addiction to hydrocodone and other drugs abt 3 mos after D.

So she and OM broke up at the same time she began her recovery program?


We remarried in 07, 2nd M much better,

how was it better? What was different about her? And you? Were there any signs of trouble this time and if so, what would you do differently, next time?

however she has relapsed on pain killers several times. She was sexually attacked by a coworker, this triggered PTSD and shortly after was admitted to a mental hospital . Now she dropped the bomb again after two mos of therapy with a new therapist.

Can DBing work again w/mental illnesses?

IF this is ALL and ONLY about her mental illness, I can't say for sure. Depends how deep her problems are and what role you play in them. Any co-dependence issues?

You'd be powerless to help anything IF this is all about HER... since none of it is about you. I would not take to heart what someone says in this fragile a position, the first 6 times I heard it, though.

And since I doubt you played zero role in the issues arising inside the marriage, the great news is that you are probably not powerless.

But the more you make this ALL/ONLY about her problems and addiction issue, the less likely you will do much constructive changing.

What personal work did YOU do, the first time around?

What was your "DB" work like?

have you backslid?