Yes, card, D is so good at hugs that I get goose bumps. It helps. A lot!
I am teaching an advanced camera/photography one-on-one this coming Sunday and have a basics class tentatively scheduled for a group of moms who got dslrs for Christmas. That's about it.
Yes, I saw that your sister is in Sherman Oaks. I'm not far. About 40 minutes north. There are some great restaurants in Sherman Oaks. How long is she here?
I think she's only there another 2 months, then she's off to San Diego. She is a very outdoorsy person, so she has been soaking up the beaches and parks anytime she's not at work. Last night we Facetimed...she was on a dog beach, basking in the sun. I was having a different kind of fun...tossing cups of boiling water out into the 0ºF air outside
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Lay the restaurant recommendations on me and I'll pass them along to sis
First there's Clay Oven for Indian. Really good! Then there's Cafe Cordiale for cocktails and jazz by LA's studio musicians. Bamboo is the best Chinese food in the valley by far. Cafe Bisou is pretty good, too. If she's heading to the beach a lot tell her Taverna Tony's is amazing Greek food in Malibu, Moonshadows for drinks in Malibu and if she's feeling up to it, hang out at the Starbucks at Cross Creek in Malibu for 10 minutes and you'll see at least one celebrity, if not 5. Malibu Seafood has outdoor dining and we see dolphins swimming every time we go (it's very casual, flip flops and shorts kind of place), Blue Plate Oysterette in Santa Monica is my favorite.
I'll pass it all on. Interesting, my favorite Indian restaurant in my town is also called Clay Oven.
I've never been much of a celebrity gawker, but she seems to get a big kick out of it. She met Jennifer Lawrence, who is from our hometown (Louisville), on a nature trail last week. Got pictures of their dogs playing together.
Thanks!
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
In this deep journey of self it's inevitable that I will make progress. It's slow sometimes, especially for me (overthinking will do that), but progressive nonetheless.
If my marriage is on the proverbial shelf, a la UR, at what point do I open that box again? Just curious. Or do I never open it unless he offers to open it. I don't know...
I keep having these fleeting thoughts of pursing which is precisely why I put the kibosh on hanging out all the time as a beautiful little family of three. It's a sham, so I stopped it, plus it's super confusing. Oh yeah, even though he made us dinner and emptied the dishwasher (things he didn't do while we were married) he doesn't want to be married to me (can you guess that my LL is acts of service??). It's a tease.
Then I wonder, down the road, I don't bring up any R talk... Until when? He does? What does DR say? I'm confused about the process.
I'm no vet. But I have asked myself that question about 1,000 times. I didn't feel comfortable with my answer until very recently. And I think the answer for you, right now, to this question:
Quote:
I don't bring up any R talk... Until when?
is similar to my answer: something along the lines of "not right now". I think the appropriate time will come up naturally if you focus on the right things now and going forward. Let's say you follow the DB path as closely as you can...you truly detach, you dig deeper yet into yourself and really start to make permanent changes, you become excited about your future, regardless of the outcome with WAH. If you do all of that, you won't be obsessing over this question because of your detachment. At that point you could answer the above question from a position strength, calmness and clarity.
And odds are, he would bring it up before that point, anyway. And he may have been influenced by your changes, your happiness, your radiance, your detachment (I hesitated to write that sentence because you making that progress in order to influence him is not progress at all. But I know you know that.). And if he hasn't brought up R talk by the time you got to that point, you will be able to be confident you have waited for the right time to temp check.
I don't blame you at all for wondering, though! I have been there so many times. Stay strong Ss. Oh, and my sister said to tell you thanks. She was thrilled by all of the recommendations since she doesn't know any locals except for nurses she works with. And a lot of them are somewhat hostile/distant towards traveling nurses.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
You're probably right. It seems DBs answers to everything are so nebulous: "not right now", "when you're ready", "once you've done the work", etc. I don't mean to poke fun so much as lighten my own thoughts on it all.
So, "not right now" is right, I think. I mean, I know it's not time and let's face it, I'm too terrified to ever bring it up again because it backfires big time but it feels disingenuous to operate as if we're on the same path (him towards D and and me towards not), however, it doesn't matter right now. I'm good doing my own thing, finding what I want, how *I* intend to get it for myself and just constantly digging deeper.
I'll just keep that up. Heh heh.
Card, if you're sister is looking for friends, I'm happy to meet her. Not sure how to go about doing that without breaking rules here but I'd hate to think of her being alone and dealing with distance and hostility from coworkers while so far from home. Anyway, the offer is there.
After reading About Maybell's night, I can't help but ponder when that conversation will go down for me. I fear it'll go down similarly and I want to have half as much grace and strength to navigate it as she does. Therefore, ONWARD!
