Karma, I'm getting a facial later this month with some friends. I hadn't thought of that as a way to indulge in physical touch but being so deprived as of late, I am really looking forward to it beyond the skin cleansing/ plumping benefits.
Dating seems like it'll never happen, not that I'm even considering it right now. How does that even work? Do men ask women out anymore? How? I can't even wrap my head around it.
Labug, i used to be so independent. I left home at 16. I paid for my own private high school education, worked 40 hours per week, was in 4 AP classes and swam 4.5 hours/day... I know how to get stuff done... I'm daunted by silly things like car mechanics but it's the analysis paralysis, nothing else really.
I'm actually considering getting a new car. The car I have is a hand-me-down from H before he got his MLC car and it doesn't serve me well. It's difficult for D to get in and out of because it's so small, I can't fit anyone else in it with D's car seat installed... It's just not right for me. So, I'll begin that research, too. I obviously won't buy without talking to H since our finances and insurance are still tied together but the research, etc. ALL ME!!
If things with H work out or I somehow find another partner, I want them to just be icing to my life, not the entire cake. That's hard when they're involved with everything and live in the house and share your bed but I never want to enmesh myself so deeply with anyone again.
I've had dreams the last two nights about my situation. In the past 6 months of our separation I've not dreamt about H a or anything to do with him at all. The past few nights I've dreamt of him as a peripheral character to my life, someone that I used to know, someone who sits in a different row at D's school performances, someone who attends events but isn't invited back to the house for the after party. I found that interesting.
Right now I'm most grateful that the searing pain in my chest is gone. It isn't coming back in a stabbing wave when I remember painful points of this awful situation. It doesn't make me double over first thing in the morning when I wake up and reality comes flooding back.
I'm feeling ok. I feel like me. The real me. And I'm slowly walking towards the future Ss.
