21 Years - Walkaway Wife - Please Help!

[staytog]

I am not allowed to go to AA while in halfway house. Figure that one out! I will get a sponsor when I am free in June.

A trust was broken, but it was 13 years ago, and she told me two years ago she "loved me as much as the day we were married"

I'm trying not to pressure her. I would go as far as to say I am NOT pressuring her. Unless talking to her about business and our kids is pressuring her. I have not brought up the other guy, I don't say I love you anymore, I have not asked her to quit her job and come home. I figure she knows all that stuff.

I am mostly scared because she has been seeing someone. I do think I need to clear the air about her friend and see what she is actually thinking. I know she told one of our friends I slept with her, but she doesn't know that is true, and in fact it is not true. I feel I now need to make that clear too her. She said to me "If you ever had an affair with X, I would have to forgive you both cause I love you both so much" about 15 years ago. To me, it sounded like permission. I think at the time she was thinking I did and was asking me to confess. That is why I now think she thinks I slept with her friend. I do think I make progress when I talk to her. I don't think I should go dark.

I am working hard on myself and in all the calls I am patient, loving and kind, even if she is yelling at me! I have read numerous relationship books, DR, DB, Hendrix, Gottman, Smalley, Marshall, His Needs Her Needs, lots of good stuff. I have probably read TOO much

If you have anything you think I should read please let me know.

Thanks so much for your response and input!