The whole situation you described is awful. Everyone makes mistakes in a R, we all have our part on the conflict. I guess it is the way we manage to resolve them that makes a huge difference.
As reading many posts in this forum I came to a realization that most of us had problems with partners that were very selfish, and the world is full of those kind of people.
The reason we are here and trying to save our M already shows our character, we have learned some strong values and we already live our lives with those values.
Time to time we get involved in an emotional turmoil that breaks apart and makes us unsure of what we really believe, but deep inside we know who we are and at the end of the day, we have those values in our core.
Yes there are people that will never change, selfishness settles in and becomes the way they live. Yes there are people that are takers, they will always victimize themselves and a way of resolving their issues. Yes there are people that can't resolve their own issues and they start transferring all the guilt, insecurities, moral and character issues to their partners.
In realization, it's up to each individual to realize when enough is enough, when the abuse is bigger and stronger then love, when we draw a line to respect ourselves. It may be that the heart wants to love, but at some point we need to put in perspective that not all love is good for us.
During my life I had to choose sometimes and there were times that I decide to keep that love in my heart but no where else. That is probably what I will do about my R with my H. Will walk to D, will end the R and will keep this love in my heart, silent, just there in a box as a part of my history. But no more abuse, no more guilt, no more ups and downs.
We need to realize our own limits and respect who we are. I see many folks here accepting that they failed in many ways in their R and showing desire to get better. These are the people that are growing emotionally and psychologically, but yet crying a lost love, the one that has no desire to grow and see itself as the one with truth.
I think we all need to look in the mirror and look at that person and make a serious decision of who we really are and what we really deserve and then stand tall and with pain or without it decide that our lives belong to us and we want one that is clean, satisfying, no blames and insults.
I believe we can all get to that spot, and be happier even alone because our core have the values we can die for.
