Thank you, uR! Lucky world?? Ok, well.....I AM kind of a catch . We'll see!!
Gwen, thanks for not voting me off!! Come to think of it....an island vaca sounds pretty fab about now.
bea, I'm so glad to see you again! Yes, the "choosing differently" resonated with me, too. It goes along with the feeling of having power in this mess. Much better way to frame it.
Welp, the financial onion continues to peel away....
Made some decisions. I'm going to give H my car. It's in his name, not mine. He passed it on when he bought his brand new truck in April. The payments are way too high. I have been giving H a check each month for the payment amount, since it comes out of his account.
I looked into refinancing to get under my name, and I decided I can get a really nice different car for a lot less, and have more $$ for my kids and GAL. That's the priority. Especially since I literally drive less than a half mile to work each day. I don't need an expensive car. At all. Silly.
I also requested h meet me at our financial advisor's office, and get the ball rolling to split those accounts.
Ball now in motion. Yay, Shining.
I think H was surprised at first that I made the effort to schedule. He was his same wackadoo. Clueless. Making casual conversation with me as though we're friends. I was annoyed.
I may or may not have been a bit rude....looked at my phone, nodded some, but really not listening.... Oh, well. My days of caring what he thinks are about done.
Then, here's where I wish sometimes I could be more of a beeatch.
Because I started crying.
I hate that I have to do this again. I absolutely hate this part. The business-y stuff. It's so sterile. He looks so different. Then there will be a glimpse of familiar. It's hard to look at. And I hate feeling so alone.
As we left, he made sure I knew he was going to do x, y, z (no those aren't his gf's names, lol...). Sorry. Man-whore humor.
What I meant was, he said he would give me specific amounts and it was important to him that "no one can say he's a bad guy who took all my money." He has said this several times in the past 9 months.
He asked me if I wanted to keep the car. I said I do, but I don't think I can afford it. He then turned the topic onto him and his truck, and possibly taking that back too, and do I have his new truck paperwork because he can't find it..... Ugh. It never ends.
But, it will. And that's ok. The hard part ended long ago. Before I even knew it. And I get it.
So, after I started getting choked up, I said to him, in that super high-pitched-I-don't-want-you-to-see-me-cry-voice, "I have to go".
I then ran to my car like a scene from a bad Rom-Com. ****sigh***.
H texted me (I kind of guessed he might). He sent me screenshots of his work retirements, with the words, "in the spirit of transparency".
I am choosing to be grateful.
Grateful that while he may be emotionally heartless as a H, he isn't financially heartless. And many of them are. So I celebrate the one positive.
Time will tell if he will do what he said. So far, he has with regards to finances. I'm hopeful.
Shining, I think you are doing great and handling things w/grace. I'm glad you set up a meeting to discuss finances and now everything is out on the table. I also think you are very wise in getting rid of the expensive car and can now look around for something more affordable.
You are the prize and he is the fool. He's going to realize that one day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Letting H have the big SUV was the best decision. I love my little car. I thought I would miss the more expensive land yacht but this little car is sporty and the gas mileage helps me save a lot of money.
I admire how you are embracing all of this by trying to frame things in their most positive light. We are human and it would be unrealistic to think you could get through all of this without some down days. The main thing is you are not letting the bad define your life.
Sending you good juju. Hang in there.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thank you, job. I'm handling it the best I can. Do you really think he will realize he's a fool? Because I do. He had everything. He admitted he will never have what we had again. I think he will wake up. And I think it will likely be too late when he does.
Gwen, I do have down days. But I've never been a negative person. Sometimes to my own detriment. I appreciate the juju!! I'll take all I can get!
Update:
Found a new counselor for D13 tonight. She really seems to like her.
I cleaned like a mad woman the past couple of days. In serious "purge" mode. Out with the old..... Feels good.
MIL emailed and wants to meet for lunch next week to give me some Christmas cards for the kids and me. She has always been very sweet to me, and she gets it. That will be weird.... I haven't seen her in almost a year.
I'm going to wait until after S18 graduation from basic trainng before giving h the car. I'm driving there, so why not keep it until then?
Life is looking good. I have a lot to be grateful for.
. We'll see!!
