Surving the rollercoster

[25yearsmlc]

You're so articulate and insightful sounding, I feel as if you are on the right course & barely need my advice.

Just to be clear, I am Not suggesting you pull back and disappear. I'm not a fan of an indifferent attitude to a WAS, especially one who is being polite and flirty with you. You don't want to shut him down but you don't want to pursue.

In your situation (and not all are like this), I really believe your h KNOWS what he'd need to do or start with, if he were ready to try for real. So you don't have the problem of thinking "OMG what if h doesn't realize I'd be willing to reconcile under certain conditions??"
He knows you're more than willing and that has NOT gotten him home.

Now that he SAYS he is seeing you in ways that sound familiar from the good times, just confirm those visions he has of you, the positive images that contrast witht he negatives he used to justify leaving, and then ACT like a woman who is moving on. (I would tell you to just "move on, he knows how to catch up",

but something "acting" is the most we can ask for until the LBS is really ready to do it).

In any case, YOU are the one who must have no expectations. NO expectations of him going forward as a partner to you, AND while you are also being a kindly neighbor to him and "aunt" of your SD...

That phrase or mantra for your life "Gotta hurry b/c I'm Busy doing fun new things, meeting fascinating people and going to interesting new places!!" has to be what you radiate.

The paradox of this^^ GAL,

is that on one hand, these pieces add up to you being your most attractive to your h, WHILE NOT being the goal of it, at all.

Rather the upbeat happiness and appealing self you will become, is the byproduct of active GAL and so,

when some LBSers worry about how GAL Might make it seem as if they don't care about their WAS, we remind them of how much more appealing they are by doing this^^.

We remind them that clinging and obsessively 'needing' their spouse (or making the WAS responsible for their happiness...) won't work. Making the spouse the focus of our lives makes us boring, too.

Around here we know most, what does NOT work.

Make sense?

Finally, you sound healthy. I believe the fun loving, self care activities you are engaged in, are things you just need to keep on doing.