Feeling a bit fragile this morning. Ever since I booked these two appts with Ls, I haven't slept too well. My brain knows it needs to be done, but my heart is pulling backwards. I know I need to take this step, but it just makes it all feel more real.

I don't think I have my head in the sand, but when you DB and detach, and don't have much contact with H, it's easier to be in a happyish, calmish place more of the time. But going to see a L brings me face on to things again - as Mozza has said, dealing with brutal reality.

I want to be businesslike, but I'm worried I may just sit and cry in the Ls office, and that would just be embarrassing. I started writing a list of things to ask, but I'm in a funny situation:

I don't want to file for D right now, but I want to be clear on what to do if I do file.
I want to confirm grounds for filing, and that I have them, but H doesn't
I want to know what financial options I have if we remain separated for a while - ie: I don't file for D, but 'stand' for a long time.
Should I consider taking any protective measures right now?...wills, pensions etc..
What kind of 'settlement' might look fair in our circs
How would costs and billing work

I'm hoping I'll just feel reassured and more in control. If nothing else, it would be good to have a solicitor chosen for if and when I do need them. Gather yourself Toots!

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus