Angry WAH blames me for everything.......(2)

[TLEE86]

C!!! You're alive! Its been what a few days? Maybe I need to detach from reading your thread...

Anyways, um...I feel like I just read my own thread. It's a little scary. Even started off the same way...but first, I am so happy for you that you and H are talking. This is HUGE, as you already know, for your H. The fact that he is WILLINGLY and taking the INITIATIVE to talk to you? Awesome.

He responded surprisingly well, stating that people need help with things, and that he knows he walked away from everything and left me to deal with it all, but he doesn't want to handle things that way, and if I have things that he could help with -- that he will handle it.

So I gave him a small list of things I need help with and he said he would help me with everything, and I thanked him.

We will see if this actually happens. I'm not going to bring it up.....so I doubt that he will remember, but who knows. Asking for help is a big deal for me. I'm a very determined woman. I don't ask for help. I just don't. I want to be seen as someone capable of doing it all (even though that's led to my downfall).

Good for you. H no doubt knows that you are determined and very capable. Asking for help, I always thought as well, is a sign of weakness. But you remember a while back you posted about that triangle and we were talking about getting out of the rescuer/victim roles? This made me think of that. You are now, not necessarily the victim, but are giving your H the chance to man up and "rescue" you. You're giving him the opportunity to step in and take the reigns, give up that control that you have held onto so tightly and give it to him a little.

Do I think he will actually help? Idk. Don't expect him to, but at least he is trying. He is making the effort, at least on the surface.

So. Good, right? So why do I feel very apprehensive? I've kept low/no expectations for the past week, and H has surpassed them. Every time. We have been able to communicate fairly decently. No blows ups. H appears to be getting softer towards me. He's initiating conversations. And I'm repeating to myself the "slow is fast" mantra and not going, "Ok we've had a great week, let's go to MC" or anything like that. But. But. But?

Um...been there. Careful because this is where you start having expectations. You don't really try to, but its natural. You and H have been "good" for a week and a pattern starts to develop. You start to think, ok well things have been positive for a while so they should keep going right?

I ran into same thing remember? W called me everyday for 2 weeks straight, then stops for 2 weeks. I didnt really have expectations, but when someone does the same thing over and over for a while, you just start to see a pattern and when it falls through, your crushed.

To be completely honest with you, i am wondering if your H will have a mis-step of his own in the near future. The only reason I say this is because he is trying. But Idk if he realizes he's trying and when he does, i wonder if he will be like OK WTF am i doing, back to the BATCAVE! You know what I mean? Doesn't mean he won't come out of it in time, even Batman has to eat.

I will admit seeing H Saturday, holding his hand, just electrified me. I'm reeling from it. Makes me miss him so much more. I know I have to play it cool. I know I have to keep on keeping on. I just want this to work. So badly. I feel that I've added extra pressure on myself to apply the DB. Pulling it together, being nice, not talking about feelings, listening....but on like level 10. Which is not the way to do it -- and most likely why I have anxiety.

ANNND YES....doesnt it suck when they give a little bit of "normal-cy" and you remember what it was like? But I think you hit the nail on the head. Don't add pressure to yourself. Keep playing it cool like you have been. It's working, just slowly.

Oh, and hey nice on going to CF instead of crying and setting that PR. Fight Gone Bad...actually one of my favorites.