Wow thanks for the amazing responses. Mozzarella, Ahoy and 25yrs. sorry for the Long thread. It was a long story and difficult to make more concise. Lol
To clarify, when we won custody of my SD it was only a year before we split up. It was the only real family she had known. She was so upset when I left that she slept with me every night in the weeks before and was unable to go to school for two days after being told. My H father died a year before we split and he truly appears to be in a MLC. The therapist that my SD was seeing during the the year falling our told my H after we spit up that he wasn't engaging with his daughter so it was no wonder he wasn't engaing well with me. She told him SD would be very upset by our split. H behaved totally like a man in MLC he was not spending the time with SD he should have after fighting to win custody. If I was to decide if he was the man I wanted in my life based on the last three years I would say No. I honestly felt like I didn't know the man he was during this time. Since the summer I have seen more of the man I used to know and that in part is what was drawing me closer. He has been making more efforts with my SD and was I thought getting closer to me too. There was no lack of physical connection in our marriage. H has said he still attracted to me in that way. I thought we were moving slowly in a positive direction.
I agree with what you said 25ys he is wanting to cake eat. There is no urgency or fear of loss because he thinks I'm still here if he decides to recommitt. I really got that message when we talked. What I meant in regards to validating is he used to accuse me in the past of lecturing him. This time when we talked I listened to what he said without lecturing and I validated a couple of things he brought up about our past life. I get the mindset of a WAS because I was one. I left my first marriage after 11yrs. My four kids were 3-9. I was single for 10 yrs before meeting my present H.
You all asked if I have dated and yes I have been on a few dates. I havent met anyone that I felt a spark with yet. I'm quite happy doing my own thing but would like to eventually have someone in my life again. I do believe that at the right time the right person will walk into my life. I just have to stay open so I recognise it when it happens.
I have read DR at least three times as well as many, many other books. I have also read a lot on these boards and I do understand most of the lingo. I think that I've read DB many years ago when it first came out too. As far as GAL. I live in a very cool condo in a village kind of concept. It's in an outdoor mall with all the shops below the condos. Helps prevent the feeling of isolation as there are coffee shops and people everywhere, I walk to do most of my shopping. My gym is across the parking lot. I go to the gym often, run outside 3-4 times a week and practice hot yoga 4 times a week. I go out for dinner or drinks with friends or family. I like to hike, ski ( I'm a real novice) snowshoe travel. I went on a cruise last year and I am planning two trips this year. I haven't stopped living my life.
Our marriage went down fast and suddenly. I had no choice but to put on my big girl panties and move forward. It was not easy but I did it with dignity and grace. I knew intuitively that Hubby needed to walk alone and had some self discovery to do. I was more of a distant neighbor up until the last four months. Only chatting about SD and not spending time together other than a quick exchange. He initially was the one making efforts to get closer which I respnded to. I thought the fog was lifting I'm still single so maybe? Neither of us had filed for divorce.
25yrs I think your are correct and my struggles have been with the 180's. I agree I have to drop the rope and show through my actions. I tend to feel the need to explain myself. I am not interested in dating H if he wants to date others. The flirting between us and the time spent is not what I will be doing going forward. He told me he thinks I'm amazing, I've always taken care of myself, I'm attractive, fit, funny, caring. A year ago he forgot all of those things. He had me packed away. I guess I got my hopes up seeing some changes coming from him.
Opps getting long winded again! Lol thanks again for the feedback I really appreciate it.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
