Can't believe I'm here...

[Jer2911]

This is all on W...no your problem nor did you bring on those behaviors. You, in her wacky mind, are the "barrier" to her happiness with the OW.

Yep.

What were the issues that you felt that you contributed to the M breakdown?

I believe I had trouble understanding what she needed from me when she asked and I often responded to her when we would have those talks by getting upset (crying) because I felt I was being criticized. She felt that she couldn't get through to me and didn't know how to communicate her needs to me in a way that wouldn't lead me to start crying or feel criticized. Basically -- communication issues... (which obviously goes both ways with us -- we should have gotten help for that a long time ago) But we also have different Love Languages and I didn't fully understand what those were or what that meant until recently (had never read that book or heard of those before October). My LL is PT and hers is AOS.

Also -- and this is something that was never intentional -- I stopped working full-time after the birth of our third child and continued to do part-time online work and some consulting that allowed be to be a work-from-home-mom which allowed me to handle things with the kids (drop off/pick up from school, doctor's appts, pick up if someone got sick at school, volunteering at school, etc.) but in the past couple of years the work has dropped off (not my fault -- just nature of the work I am doing) and I have not been able to pick up more part-time gigs (of similar nature) to make up the slack. So she has built up some resentment over my growing dependance (financially) on her. I am looking to go back to work full-time now that the kids are a little bit older, but I work in education and it's hard to find full-time work in the middle of the school year in my field. I know this is not an internal issue that I need to work on -- but it's something that both of us could have communicated better with one another on to avoid the build-up of resentment. I was financially independent before we met and up until the birth of our third child and have always felt very strongly about being so... I am definitely not happy with myself that this happened.

Again -- communication.

There may be more, but I need to continue doing some soul-searching and thinking more carefully about who and I am and what I bring to any relationship in order to understand how I can become a better partner, parent, friend, family member, etc.

I don't see any deal-breakers in that list/description -- I'm not abusive, and have never lied or cheated... I'm generally a good person and she has admitted that even recently. But she thinks I've failed to meet her needs which has led to her unhappiness and her loss of "in love" feelings for me (she uses MLC script language word-for-word when she explains this.)

Not a bad idea. Just gotta make sure that when you do go away, it's at time when the OW stays at her country of origin.

Ooooohhh... great point... didn't think about that... I guess I am just assuming that her "silent retreat" is actually a trip to see or be with OW and didn't think about the other possibility. Hmmm....