Faith, I don't have much time to respond right now, will pop by later if I have a chance. I just wanted to say that you can't let your fear rule your life.

Will giving away the dog mean it's really over? No. It will just be more evidence that it is really over. It won't change anything. If your H changes his mind and wants to R, it won't matter whether you have a dog or live in a 600 SF apartment. Whether your H spends time with S8 has nothing to do with those things either. I realize it is scary to move and make more changes that seem to bring you farther apart, but the reality is that your H does not want to be married to you right now. Moving out of the house doesn't make that more or less so.

I 100% get it - I felt the same way. If I make a custody arrangement with him, then will it really be over? If I figure out the financials with him, will it really be over? When he moves out, will that mean it's really over? In retrospect, those things that I feared the most changed nothing between me and H, but actually helped me to move forward. Facing those fears, continuing to live my life, to make it the best I could for me and my kids, and to start taking care of things, helped me SO much. Having a custody schedule didn't make my XH want to be married to me any more or less, but it did make my life less stressful. Once you are in your place, Faith, you can make it a home with your S8. You won't have to live in the stress you are now about moving out and where you're going and all that.

The M is over at BD. It really is. None of those other things make it over, they are just more evidence that it is over. I know they hurt, but they are not changing anything. So you need to just keep moving forward. Look for the positives in your new place. Make it a great place for your S8. Nobody knows whether your H will continue to be in your S8's life. But you have no control over that, and moving will make no difference whatsoever. So you just make sure that you are the best Mom you can be for him. Be there for him. Be his rock. You cannot protect him from bad things happening, but you can help him get through it. Have you looked into counseling for your S8? It might be a good idea for him now.

Hang in there, you really are going to be better than OK, I promise! smile

me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14