Mozza (7) + Links to success stories

[25yearsmlc]

theyre still in fantasyland, Mozza. It stinks that it has gotten to this point, that he's moving in, but now reality gets to set in. Now they have to be on all of the time, which they won't.

Thanks for the reminder, Card29. I see the move-in as an accelerator: either towards a serious R or a breakup.

Exactly. So, some clarity will come, IN TIME. Embrace the "waiting" period as a GAL time (required for true Detachment) for you.
Nothing else for you to do now but work on yourself and grow. EMBRACE THIS.


Also, our family life with two young kids could never compare to a part-time lover. But a live-in barely-known new boyfriend? Perhaps. My W is not easy to live with and can start arguments or be unyielding. He might just not be perfect either, who knows.

How is your detachment? Obviously its not perfect since you are craving her. I don't blame you, I was there for 6 months! At least you're not pursuing like I did lol. What is the most detached you've been during this process?

Interesting question. As I recall, it's in early December when I went on two trips and I didn't have the kids for 12 straight days. The change of scenery, the ego boost I got from my friends and not having the kids helped me replenish my energy reserves.

My detachment came from the idea that I wasn't such a bad husband after all and that my W made a big mistake when she left me for this new guy and that she'd come to regret it.

Detachment will come when you no longer care whether SHE regrets it b/c YOU will be happy.

HER happiness or misery are NOT indices for your happiness. If she wins the lottery, you are not suddenly poor. If her car breaks down, that does not mean you now own a sports car.

There's no connection between HER emotional state and yours.

THAT is when you will be detached. The above words mean you are still keeping score, but that you gave yourself more points when with friends who boosted your ego. There's nothing "wrong" with that, but

Real detachment is ditching the scorecard completely.

The idea that the "Best revenge is a life well lived" isn't really spot on, (b/c they are using the term "revenge" and that's not an appropriate term for a parent of your kids)

but it's closer to the healthy truth.


I'm more detached than at the beginning. I really try to avoid information about her and too many interactions. So it's evolving, even though I'm not there.I'm observing your (sudden!) evolution and seeing how it sticks, and maybe how it can inspire me.

Thanks for sharing your story and helping me see through mine.