Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #4

[HPoirot]

So, I began to "turn it over to God". (Use whatever term or concept you have for your "Higher Power", or God or whatever. But for me, it's Him).

I'd literally take a shower to get privacy and not be overheard by my kids,

and I'd think the words, THEN say and THEN hear myself say, "God, I turn this m over to you. I turn my anger/pain over to you."

And somehow it really helped. Every time I did that and then saw or was called by h, i was much calmer. This helped me parent better too. And it helped me reach my short term goals faster...

My short term goals were to engage in some form of communication or talk or any decent conversation on the phone, and then be the one to end the conversation politely, and NOT have had a conflict...the only way for me to do that, was to turn it over.

Maybe you could try that.

Hello again 25. Thank you so much for your posts.

Your "turning him over to God" struck me and I will do this. Joel Osteen was talking about this today. That forgiveness doesn't mean you're OK with what the person you wronged you did. It's how you take care of yourself and have faith that God will help you make things better... something like that. So you let it go and turn it over to God. I'm going to watch the episode again to let it really sink in.

Yes this is the big thing for me to learn. With my OW, for example, I held on to the pain of her leaving me for 20 years. The hurt only went away when she said she wished she never left me. I never really forgave her. I don't have that kind of time or opportunity now.

I will GAL to get my focus of the pain and improve myself where I am sorely lacking. I have not forgotten my failings. I will be humble and not get bitter.

I feel my W and I will be apart for a long time so it would be nice to date at some future point. Just casually for conversation and company. I miss that.

I do see I am lucky. I have a great opportunity to completely turn my life around emotionally, financially, as a father, and in my relationships. Keeping the frame on that and away from my real pain... maybe even harnessing the pain for energy somehow... is what I need to do even though it's hard.

I know I've been focused on my W. Even in my last post when she texted I immediately felt emotion about it. It's getting better. It's just incredible to me still that see won't listen to me. Now that I'm not spending time with her... I don't see those times when she shows how hurt or sad she is. She's always this all business miserable looking person around me. Or the fake smiling person she was at the science fair. Being detached and not dismissive will be a task for me when she's acting this way. I like her better when she's showing that all this is painful for her too.

And thank you for the GAL ideas. Your story and everything you did is remarkable. I will also get back to volunteering with kids. I did enjoy that very much.

Looking forward to that first almost normal day.

Onward.