HP, please excuse me while I speak of you in third person as I get some thoughts out here.
Maybe I am empathizing too much with HP, b/c the guy just wanted a break from her constant manipulation, roller coaster behavior, and breathing down his neck. He can't get away from her! Gee, I know I would need a long vacation b/c that woman could worry the horns off a billy goat.
I actually wondered if HP was very close to being a WAH b/c of the anger/resentment and the many times he said he did not like his W very much now (the way she is presently) and did not want to be around her. It appears as if he is being pushed toward her, while he is digging his heels into the ground. I think he is extremely frazzled and craves some time away from her. He needs that space to deal with his anger, hurt, etc. Call me a dinosaur, but I thought that was the purpose of a separation....to have time apart from each other, and then see if they can begin working their way back together, or not. And even though I do not disagree with anything that has been advised, it does seem it puts a lot of undo expectations or pressure on a person who is experiencing this pain.....to be able to act as if nothing bothers him while he deals with her non-stop texting, rescheduling on a daily basis, and who screams and curses at him. I mean seriously, how many of us would say, "No problem, I can work around anything you want". How many would be eager to answer all those daily texts from her? We wouldn't. We would not put up with that crap! Okay, maybe I should not answer for anyone else (b/c there are some LBS's that would gladly do all of the above), so I will say I would not put up with a spouse who does like HP's W. She is a manipulator! Why does HP have to smile, be nice, or even look at her? He doesn't like her! Why isn't being civil good enough? Why should he feel he must give her a response? (I know the answer, btw, so you don't have to explain.). I am just asking, how many of us think we could do the same under his circumstances?). In a little time, yes. But the guy needs to breathe.
If that is childish, I guess I will join the kid's club. I just believe it is unrealistic to expect a person to be all sweetness and light this quickly. He has not had any peace since he moved out. He just needs some time......and if he doesn't answer her texts or calls, he gets nailed for it. He has told her a hundred times not to call if not an emergency. ( And I'm sorry, but I don't see a science project as an emergency, but that's just me. ). Then she uses the kid (like always) as her leverage, her tool to guilt HP, or to get her way....whatever it may be at the moment. If HP wants to attend the science fair, does he have to take off work an entire day simply b/c she has tried to make him feel bad? Does he have to make this a family affair? Can't he attend without being with her? Once the boy shows his project, can he not be free to go back to work? I don't know what kind of jobs you all have, but I can just hear me explaining to my boss how I need to miss work to be at my child's science fair. Again, that's just me. HP loves his boy, he just does not want to play like one big happy family with her right now.......and I don't blame him. She is doing the same BS she was doing at Christmas, pretending it's all for S12, when it's really for her intent/purposes. I am not against him showing up to support S12, that is not what I mean at all.
I will admit I have felt kind of sorry of HP b/c of the pressure he is under. I respect how honest he has been about himself, and how he continues to regroup, take a deep breath and try again to follow most of the advice he gets.
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Well shoot, I just accidentally deleted about half of my post. Maybe that was my clue to shut up. So I will cut it shorter. To me, the more serious problem I see is how HP's W is changing the schedule on a daily basis. That will do a number on S12. HP needs advice in where to turn when he has an unwilling S to stick to the agreed schedule. Will the court help him if there is no legal S? Is there something else he can do? Some of you have experience or knowledge of these things. Please speak up and let him know. Someone said something about a mediator?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
so you don't have to explain.). I am just asking, how many of us think we could do the same under his circumstances?). In a little time, yes. But the guy needs to breathe. 