Can't believe I'm here...

[Jer2911]

Oh -- as long as I am in the house, I am not leaving the master bedroom. I am not the one choosing to break apart this family and refusing to work on rebuilding our marriage. I made THAT decision to remain in the MBR back in October at BD :-)

The house is a bit more tricky... because my income has always been lower, when we purchased it the title was drawn up with me owning a much smaller percentage because we always knew she would pay the mortgage. I can't afford this house on my own -- even with a full-time job. I will have to move out eventually. She has already threatened legal action if I don't accept the buyout offer.

I don't have a problem with the buyout offer -- I have a problem with moving anywhere without a full-time job and doing so before the end of the school year which will create disruption for the kids. My concern is with the kids and my wellbeing/ability to support myself without her assistance. Her concern right now is herself and her "happiness." She has offered to co-sign a lease for me, but I think that is just ridiculous. I am dealing with someone who likes to control EVERYTHING... I am now realizing there may also be some narcissistic behavior issues here (maybe minor NPD), but maybe that is a part of the MLC...

I will admit though that there is another motive to dragging this out to the end of the school year -- the OW is much younger and the A, so far, has only be EA and very long distance (they've never met in person), and I am hoping that with time the OW will find this less-than-ideal and eventually find someone her own age who can give her a real relationship. Most of us who have some life experience would never be in this for this long -- we would see my W's current sitch and behavior as big red flags -- but to someone very young (mid-20s), especially this OW that I actually know quite a bit about (long story there), there just isn't enough life and relationship experience to see or understand the red flags.

As for DBing...

We will be in contact enough with just co-parenting the kids that I believe DB'ing is still very possible. The A with the OW and the MLC will remain strong unless I give her the space and distance she thinks she wants. My presence around her right now -- even just being on opposite ends of the house -- just seems to increase her bitterness, anger, and the monstering behaviors.

I also think I need some space and distance in order to fully work on my own issues through my IC, 180ing, GAL, etc. I know I brought baggage into this relationship and I can see how I contributed to some of our issues -- but those issues were of the "fixable" sort and not the real cause of this MLC.

She has offered to allow me to go off on my own trip or "silent retreat" if I wish, and I am seriously considering doing that in mid-February. It will give me some time to do my own work and give her some time on her own with the kids -- which might be a heavy dose of reality for her re: so you really want to be a single mom with 3 young kids and lose out on what we, along with everyone else, viewed as an ideal sitch of 2 great moms who loved each other so much and who made such a great parenting team? I've been taking care of the kids nearly 100% on my own since late October (because of her depression, her habit of working late/coming home after I've put the kids to bed, and her late nights texting/chatting with OW which results in her sleeping late on the sofa while I am getting the kids and myself ready to leave to drop them off at school) and I am EXHAUSTED from doing it on my own for so long. I do need a break and she needs some major doses of reality.