thanks for note- ya know, i'm bad with whole concept of "boundary" - and i'm not sure i even know about them much rite now. i'm still feeling too "battered" (as in dipped, & fried) - to care rite now how i appear - but I just can't think what boundary i should be having.
i'm a person alllll out there and spread allover teh place. I don't have secrets and places in my head or heart others can't go- if i had to say- i am open and accessible without exception or restriction almost. I hate idea of walls & locks and forbidden things - i can't even bring myself to zip zippers all the way up (i know, wierd huh) or screw caps on really really tight). not only do i not have boundaries well- i am llosing more and more of the ones i had perhaps -
h is self-contained and can't share well (tho is very generous). i hate his "boundaries" i hate rules and restrictions - - i hate boundaries i think- i think anything is possible - for anyone. just about anyone is welcome to show up at my door, come in and have tea- - i have a bunch of people around in my life that i may not even want, but feel too sorry to cut loose because they are needy- i think you're rite i have boundary problems.
what boundary do you think i should have? i wonder - i cannot seem today to formulate some
wait- maybe i've got some.
I do not accept physical violence in life.
I have this past year drawn a line about someone being verbally "violent" to me- i have hung up on my angry sister. something i've never done in my life - it's soooo incredibly rude. But i did it and would again.
if h gets "pi$$y" and looking for a fight I can actually turn my back and walk out nicely saying "you're only one angry here - i'm not doing this". I'd always feared his anger/annoyment. i honestly and thoroughly do not care what he feels now. to my gut it is just bs and spew and it does not touch me.
i'm walkin away from "angry people" pretty much across board.
ow- idk - i hate it .- i said/say it rite out - But I am still am not willing to take what will come in my life if i go being all dramatic and do ultimatum. i do not have confidence in him in that regard and i do not want to " pay" for a bad result (yet). i'll suck it up for awhile more.
that is a boundary i'd love to make and enforce. realistically- i cannot. like i could not convince my sister that drank herself to death to not do it- i don't think it is within my power to convince him that he may in fact pay too high a price someday.
i asked once in very beginning if the price for her was total loss of me - would he consider it a good bargain. he replied no, he'd hate it ....- BUT, she's there. ta da....
hell, how do i con trol someone else - when i can't even stop myself from being here still, because i'm going to do what i do - boundary? addiction? idk
today- i can't figure this junk out and do not care. i had soo much sleep last nite (soooooo rare) that i feel great.
i seem to still be "dbing" as in, i'm still present in his life (whatever teh sitch). for some reason he is still in mine - i cannot figure out why honestly. all i want is a cookie from life rite now. no kidding. my brain does not extend further than that.
it feels lots better than teh alternative this morning. i'm going to go gratify that desire for food- and h does not exist in my little brain at this moment.
so- what boundary(s) do you see that i should be drawing in the sand? just curious- i have no objectivity or perspective - sorry man.
