Separated and Need HELP!

[Faith20]

Really struggling today. The last 2 times I've seen H he has been cold, acting as if he's annoyed with me or upset. I realize I am not detached AT ALL because this has killed me.

H called last night while S8 and I were rock climbing (GAL) and wanted to see S8. We told him we were leaving soon and would call on our way home. About 20 minutes later, H called S8 and thought it was me who answered the phone. He was very short and rude to S8, until he realized it wasn't me and then his demeanor completely changed. He told S8 he was running to the store to get himself some dinner and wanted to know if we needed anything. S8 thought this meant he wanted to make us dinner, so he excitedly asked me what we wanted. H then told S8 to put me on the phone. He said S8 "misunderstood" him and that he was getting HIMSELF dinner but wanted to know if we needed anything from the store. I politely say no thank. For the past 2 months I have been making H dinner every night he comes over. It really bothered me that he didn't want to eat with us and even went out of his way to get his own food to cook. I get it H, I get it.

When H walked in it was very awkward. Here's our conversation:

M: Hello H
H: (no response)
2 minutes later...
H: Hi W
(I had already said hello so I didn't say Hi again)
H: Hey W
M: I said hey...
H: okay

The next hour or so was painful. He seem so angry, agitated, upset. I tried to lighten the mood a little and keep a PMA but he was bringing me down. When S8 when to take a shower, H and I were sitting in the living room and as soon as S8 left, H picked up his phone. Then he says "God, I'm always on my phone." This through me for a loop. H used to complain that I was always on my phone when we were together (since then it's been one of my 180s to almost never be on my phone around H) and the other day I made a playful comment to him about how he's always on HIS phone now and the tables have turned. That must have really bugged him (at the time it seemed fine) because he brought it up again in a rude sarcastic way. UGH. I tried to joke around with him some more and asked if he was cranky and he just said "no". So I killed the conversation and got up.

After S8 got out of the bath I decided to excuse myself and take a bath. I let H know that if he was leaving to have S8 let me know. He said okay and "goodnight".

About 30 minutes later I heard S8 begging him not to go so I got out of the bath and went to tuck S8 in. H said an awkward "thanks and goodnight" then walked out.

As I laid with S8 in bed he started to really struggle with the situation and have a hard time. I encouraged him to call H, to tell H how he was feeling because it's so hard for me to see him upset and feel like he has to hide this from H.

S8 sent him a text saying: "Hi H. I feel really down right now and I'm just sad". H called S8 and started talking to him. S8 immediately clammed up and wouldn't say much except that he wants answers to why this is happening in his life. H said he would tell him when he gets older, but that sometimes when you life with a person it's just hard. H said that he loves me and isn't mad at me. And that we're still friends. Then he told S8 to go to bed.

I sent H a text after that simply said "Thank you for calling him. I know it's never easy. He had a weak moment but everything is okay. Thanks for all your help". He replied and said "Of course. I know it's hard for all of us". I never replied.

At this point I almost had a breakdown. I am so angry, hurt, confused. I am in immense pain. S8 is in immense pain. He cries because he feels unloved. He feels like another dad has walked out on him, doesn't care about him, that he isn't worth anything. This absolutely kills me. I am so mad at H for hurting us. I am so mad at H for putting S8 through this. For breaking up our family, making us move into a small apartment, and get rid of our dog. I am so mad he gave up so quickly. I am so mad he promised me he would never leave us and he did. I feel betrayed. I feel like I wasted 5 years of my life. I feel rejected. I feel worthless.

S8 and I finally found a place. It's a 1 bedroom guesthouse. I would give S8 the room and get a sofa bed for the living room. We would go from a 3 bedroom house and huge yard to 600 square ft. The place is fully furnished, very cute, and very very affordable. But I am dragging my feet on signing the lease. I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to give away our dog. I fear that once I do everything will really be over. I'm so afraid.

H, S8 and I have also been spending a lot of time together at the house since we are still there. I'm afraid once we move out all of that will stop. He is living at his dads and can't bring S8 over there to hangout or have sleepovers so he comes to the house and stays. Once we move out and he moves back in I know there will be no reason for him to see or spend time with me. Am I a fool for holding on to this? I feel like there is no hope and yet I don't want to let go.