GB .... I get it totally. I think that was a huge part of my spin cycles ... the fact I could not control my M, my W, my own thoughts and desires. I have never been one to just go with things, looking at the major areas of my life ... I have had to in most ways make opportunities happen and then take full advantage of them when they did.
Your epiphany does link to those desires you were experiencing and I am sure you realize that. Letting go of the wheel and just going for the ride is not a relaxing thing, but sometimes we just need to see where things go knowing in the back of our minds if it turns out to be painful we can opt out at any time, this thought process has helped me accept a few things that are going on in my life. Its growth ... you are a rockstar and I have no doubt you will own this part too.
