your insights are true - at least of us. I am definitely commitment phobic (passive) - i do get panickie when i'm "too committed" and can remembeer really neeeeding to get some "space" when i began coming to nj house by self. I'm a nurturer who gets really unhappy when somenoe NEEEEEDS ME too much- i don't even really want responsibility for me , much less someone else!! he is militently commitment phobic- yet pursued like a banshee in beginning???
i do not know now why he is planning little trips (i love trips) and doing nice things, buying me things - yet has lovelife with ow? insanity - he's both "pursuing & buyuing me" and distancing and makin me feel like nothing. i am off balance all the time.
In beginning (38 yrs ago or so) he was soooo ardent a ursuer - desirous of my companionship every minute of every day- fun & nice - but at some point tiring. i always bought his "marriage is no guarantee" spiel because i was newly divorced from a guy rabid to marry me and always verbally reassuring (but - actions crappola) - i was less keen - so, it blew up anyway (his booze - violence) . it surely is no guarantee.
now- i see it's a "protection" of sorts with legal rights - and it's also a "commitment" to hang in there and be there and so on- i do think mentally it's a big step- writing your name and making the commitment. maybe just the legal entanglement and problems to get out of - encourage loyalty?
i both would like it- and squirm and thinK "oh God, then i'd be shackled to this guy forever til i die" and a bit panickie.
oh well- never said i was not neurotic0-
human beings are too weird. maybe our brains have out-evolved our instincts. & we're all off balance all the time. i think our instinct is to find a mate to protect us (as woman) - part of me wants to sign up. However, my brain says , what if it goes bad, he turns weird, just needs someone with some $$ to save him at moment, has anger issues - hidden mine field - that's from life's little bad discoveries over years. with tv and acess to the experiences and thoughts of every other person alive - every day- we've become "scared" of things we shouldn't know- ignorance is bliss. i think i'll be a dog next life... keep it simple.
