I started a reply a couple of days ago but deleted it.
I wanted to thank maybell, rpp and seaspin for replying to my question.
I've been reading (and posting a bit) on other people's threads but have had no motivation to post on mine. I feel like I have nothing to say.
Maybell's recent posts have really resonated with me. I've been thinking a lot about whether I was ever really happy with my H. It's hard to recall. I can only remember when I felt slighted, dismissed, disrespected, bullied.
He essentially told me that he didn't really respect me during our M. A few months ago, when we had a conversation, he said he had noticed my changes, and said he has more respect for me now than he ever did. yep. So, all those times when I felt disrespected by him... I wasn't imagining it. He didn't respect me. That makes me feel like such a fool. And it makes me so angry.
I think about how he made a unilateral decision-- no more kids, because "*he* couldn't go through that again". And whenever I would suggest that we needed to talk to someone, he would dismiss that idea, saying that I was making too big a deal out of normal things.
I think about how a week before he left me, I told him I was worried about that. And he said he had considered it, but was not planning to do that. And then a week later he walked out on me.
He wants me to be flexible and amicable and easy to divorce- while he can barely say hello to me and never even asks me anything about my life. He can't even muster a "how are you?"
I still have so much anger. I act polite and friendly towards him, but I think he is such a total jerk.
25 years gave her M a 10% chance. I think I'm at 0%. Because I don't think I should have married him in the first place. I don't think he was ever right for me. I cannot imagine feeling an emotional connection to him again. I'm not sure how I could ever trust him again. I did everything I possibly could have done. My conscience is clear. But it still feels heart-breaking.
