Okay....I've been reading a bit and it's time for an honest post.
I was talking with a friend today and I said, "I'm doing pretty well. In some ways, I've never felt better. Yes, I have sad times and days when I struggle. The reality is that right now, I just don't have anything in the tank." And I had a bit of an epiphany because that was the best way I can describe how I feel. I recognize this is not optimum or ideal, however it best sums up my feelings. And I hope I move through this soon:-)
In the past (with break ups of the end of Rs), I always felt I must be at fault and there must be something wrong with me. I must be unloveable. Why can't I get it right? And the reality is that I'm flawed and have things to work on. And I am. I certainly made mistakes in my M. I also realize that I was navigating the best I could with the tools I had. That freaking hindsight is something. However, I know I'm a good person. I haven't caused all of the ills and strifes of the world.
The thing that I grapple with is that feeling of being and just letting things transpire. Oh control!!! Ack!!!! In a moment where I feel my fear or anxiety build, it's like my heart starts beating 100 beats per minute. I feel clammy and so dare I say... Out of control:-) Sometimes a walk help or a dance. Sometimes it's deep breaths. Just being. Letting things evolve. Huge mental challenge for me. Has been for as long as I can remember.
I'm trying. New year.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 01/07/1503:37 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
