Maybell XXVI

[Maybell]

Thank you. Your posts to me always give me lots to chew on and this one does too. I'm going to think about most of it and answer little here.

I do want to say, I no longer expect the truth to be at all favorable to the marriage. That seems to be done and I'm ok with it, because I'm happy as I am, with prospects for being even happier once I'm less directly dependent on him.

But in recognition of the fact that we will be co parenting forever, I would like the courtesy and respect that honesty indicates.

Perhaps we will be like Betsey and Mr. Wonderful in time, but for now, I do not want a personal relationship with him. I will co parent politely. No more. He has been dishonest and manipulative. I told him in May that I didn't want to be friendly with him while he was "friends" with OW, and in July he made a point of telling me he "wasn't seeing her anymore" during that period when he wanted to have lunch every week. Knowing he was just trying to get away with more dishonesty makes me feel disrespected and I won't deal with someone who thinks its ok to treat me that way.

It may be that it's on me to say, I don't care what the truth is; It won't change my course of action. I care that you quit lying.

I'm not sufficiently at peace to agree that we both did the best we could because cheating (perhaps over several years) seems so far below the best that a reasonable person could do. But I see the point of laying the blame aside and finding peace where I am.

I do believe what I wrote to Ss. And also I want validation that it's ok to be done. Because I would have been a WAW six years ago if I'd had the courage. And now I do have the courage -- but I want to be thoughtful and have integrity and not embrace the blow my kids are going to suffer because I'm selfish, but because I am making a good choice that really will improve all our lives as I feel it will.