Maybell XXVI

[labug]

I started a long post to you but put it aside. Then I happened on your posts to SS. You sound so strong and in control of you.

Be that person, own that person.

If you need to D do it for you, not because of H. Say very clearly, this is what I want.

Don't do the dinner if it's not the right thing for you. Find you. Be you, not what the societal conventions say you should be or do. Take a step in owning your life, your destiny.

Let go of wanting answers to what your H did in your marriage for now. Can you go with you both did the best you could with the tools you had at the time? What have you got to lose?

That's probably as close to the truth as any of us can get. He didn't do what he did because of you but because of his stuff, just as you did what you did because of your stuff.

What would a satisfactory answer sound like? Is there a satisfactory answer? If you don't get the right answer will you carry that with you the rest of your life?

There doesn't have to be a villain. True fact.

If you want out, let him know you want out. It wasn't working and now it's time to let it go. There doesn't have to be fault assigned to either of you. It just is.

You're going to have a long R with this guy, the father of your children. Go forward with that in mind. That's a positive self-fulfilling prophecy/intention. Look at Betsey's R with her x. I have a friend whose 1st H had an affair when their son was about 10. XH is still searching but they're great friends because they moved forward with what was best for their son who is now 25. It can happen.

Start each day as a new day, leaving the past further behind. Trying to fix the past will keep you stuck. Staying angry allows the other person to control us.

Forgiveness frees us, when we forgive ourselves, when we forgive others. Don't close your heart down, open it.

Slow down enough that your decisions aren't emotion driven.

Everything will be OK in the end and if it's not OK, it's not the end.

I was raised to be a people-pleaser. I said yes to almost anything to keep the peace and be likable. A "Good Girl." I did lots of things I didn't want to do and then wondered why I was so unhappy, depressed and filled with resentment.

I did it to myself. The good thing about that truth is I could also undo it.

So I did.

Being in control of me is a wonderful thing. I wish the same for you. The best is yet to come.